sorry i've been neglecting you.
i promise to write here more
20110727
20100412
lies - gdragon feat. big bang
(gd, you talented bastard)
this video has a lot to it than just the music, flashing lights, and korean superstars.
when gdragon wrote this song he intended to use it as his breakthrough solo song. however, upon giving the song to yg, he was told that the song would be better if big bang used it as a group. instead of being some stuck up diva bitch, he gave up the song. because of this song big bang sky-rocketed. gd introduced a new concept of big bang and let them mature musically. i look up to gd. not only is he an amazing leader, but he is so selfless. sure, he has crazy ass style and sometimes his concepts make me question his sanity, but watching this video shows that gd is a dynamic person. he was finally able to perform lies as a solo, but instead of hogging the stage all to himself, he allowed big bang to come out and sing with him and he was genuinely happy about it. i know that i sound stupid talking about some celebrity that i don't even know, but i do look up to gd. there's the one part in the video where him and taeyang stand together and sing. i want to have a friendship like that. because i have no doubt in my mind that when gd was giving up lies as a solo project, he probably thought of bae (and the other members as well). he saw that he was able to help others more than himself.
20100317
20100314
update
i was looking at my resolutions and decided to see what i've accomplished since january
health:
create a diet and stick to it
drink more water
work out more
finances:
get a job
save up money
find a house for next year
academics:
get straight As (just once is fine)
social:
join the pre-law frat
do a little sister program
get to know people outside of apath
talk to a stranger
personal:
realize who my true friends are
appreciate my family more
take things slow
stop analyzing the little things
random, :D
health:
create a diet and stick to it
drink more water
work out more
finances:
get a job
save up money
find a house for next year
academics:
get straight As (just once is fine)
social:
join the pre-law frat
do a little sister program
get to know people outside of apath
talk to a stranger
personal:
realize who my true friends are
appreciate my family more
take things slow
stop analyzing the little things
random, :D
20100201
20091231
twenty ten
oh 2009, how you flew by like nothing but wind past my face. i can barely remember what happened in the past 12 months. i graduated, got into davis, moved out of the house, and i've spent around 4 months away from home. not so great of accomplishments, if you ask me.
2009 has been a bumpy ride. so many people died and so much shit happened that i don't even feel like re-capping. it was a year of drama, laughs, heartbreak, bonding, etc. i can't even sum up this year into words but i know for sure that i'm glad it's over and that a new year is literally around the corner.
when the clock hits 12 tonight, even though it's just another day, i feel like i can start over. be a new person and change my ways. i usually don't make resolutions, but hell, i have a lot this year.
health:
create a diet and stick to it
drink more water
work out more
finances:
get a job
save up money
find a house for next year
academics:
get straight As (just once is fine)
social:
join the pre-law frat
do a little sister program
get to know people outside of apath
talk to a stranger
personal:
realize who my true friends are
appreciate my family more
take things slow
stop analyzing the little things
that list is a mouth full and a lot more. i'm looking for a lot this year. i'm tired of being "me". cause it's not really me. we all know that. why does finding myself have to be so hard. i want to be happy with who i am. i'm tired of settling and not being satisfied. i'm ready to take control of my life and make things happy. i just want this year to be stress free.
i'm done with boys. no more boys this year. they bring me nothing but headaches and trouble. it's better if i don't go looking for them cause i no longer have time to deal with all of that. i definitely learned my lesson this year. some things are just not worth worrying over.
i'm starting fresh. it's a new me that's going to face this world head on.
i'm ready
2009 has been a bumpy ride. so many people died and so much shit happened that i don't even feel like re-capping. it was a year of drama, laughs, heartbreak, bonding, etc. i can't even sum up this year into words but i know for sure that i'm glad it's over and that a new year is literally around the corner.
when the clock hits 12 tonight, even though it's just another day, i feel like i can start over. be a new person and change my ways. i usually don't make resolutions, but hell, i have a lot this year.
health:
create a diet and stick to it
drink more water
work out more
finances:
get a job
save up money
find a house for next year
academics:
get straight As (just once is fine)
social:
join the pre-law frat
do a little sister program
get to know people outside of apath
talk to a stranger
personal:
realize who my true friends are
appreciate my family more
take things slow
stop analyzing the little things
that list is a mouth full and a lot more. i'm looking for a lot this year. i'm tired of being "me". cause it's not really me. we all know that. why does finding myself have to be so hard. i want to be happy with who i am. i'm tired of settling and not being satisfied. i'm ready to take control of my life and make things happy. i just want this year to be stress free.
i'm done with boys. no more boys this year. they bring me nothing but headaches and trouble. it's better if i don't go looking for them cause i no longer have time to deal with all of that. i definitely learned my lesson this year. some things are just not worth worrying over.
i'm starting fresh. it's a new me that's going to face this world head on.
i'm ready
20091111
colors - utada hikaru
...
Your Existing Situation
"Needs extra attention and must feel she is very important to those around her. If she doesn't think she is being spoiled enough, she may shut herself off from others."
Your Stress Sources
"Feels unappreciated and in an unpleasant position. Needs personal recognition and the respect of others, since she has not been about to find partners who value the same things she does. she holds back her emotions and is unable to give fully of herself, but lasting isolation makes her want to change those ways and surrender to her deep urges. Giving in to her natural instincts and urges is a sign of weakness, so feeling this way makes her weak and irritable. Fighting these urges makes her feel stronger, as if she can take on anything that comes her way. Longs to be valued as an important associate and admired for her personal qualities."
Your Restrained Characteristics
Her confidence is low but she is unable to admit that is the reason for her avoidance of conflict. Feels it is a situation out of her control and she is making the best of it.
"Feels trapped in a helpless situation and is desperately seeking relief. she is able to find pleasure and happiness in sexual activity, as long as there is not a lot of conflict or emotional difficulty."
Your Desired Objective
"Wants interesting and exciting things to happen in her life. she is able to make others like him, because of her genuine concern for them. she is charming and open and makes friends easily. she can have an over-active imagination, which leads her to fantasize and daydream."
Your Actual Problem
"Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual."
Your Actual Problem #2
"Feeling a lack of energy, she does not wish to be involved in further activity or give in to demands. she is feeling powerless causing her stress, agitation, and irritation, all which she tries to escape by refusing to participate altogether. she tries to escape into a fantasy world where things go her way and her desires are easier to reach."
...
somewhat true...i can dig it
20091019
without a heart - 8eight
"if i say that i'm in pain, i'm scared that i'll really be in pain
if i say that i'm sad, i'm scared that i will shed my tears
why don't i just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
but people ask me why i'm crying...
everyday i cry, i smile, cry then smile again
what's wrong with me, why do i do this repeatedly?
can't differentiate between bottles of alcohol and meals
so far in my life, i never felt pain this excruciating
absentmindedly, i write your name over and over on a piece of paper
in a day, the paper becomes black and i finally let the pen go
i long for you, i hold on to my cellphone and let it go
my eyes are filling up with tears again, this separation between us..
i'm without a heart, i don't have a heart
so i wouldn't be feeling pain
everyday i talk to myself, and put myself under a spell
but even so, i keep shedding my tears
if i say that i'm in pain, i'm scared that i'll really be in pain
if i say that I'm sad, i'm scared that i will shed my tears
why don't i just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
but people ask me why i'm crying,
when i'm laughing like this..."
if i say that i'm sad, i'm scared that i will shed my tears
why don't i just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
but people ask me why i'm crying...
everyday i cry, i smile, cry then smile again
what's wrong with me, why do i do this repeatedly?
can't differentiate between bottles of alcohol and meals
so far in my life, i never felt pain this excruciating
absentmindedly, i write your name over and over on a piece of paper
in a day, the paper becomes black and i finally let the pen go
i long for you, i hold on to my cellphone and let it go
my eyes are filling up with tears again, this separation between us..
i'm without a heart, i don't have a heart
so i wouldn't be feeling pain
everyday i talk to myself, and put myself under a spell
but even so, i keep shedding my tears
if i say that i'm in pain, i'm scared that i'll really be in pain
if i say that I'm sad, i'm scared that i will shed my tears
why don't i just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
but people ask me why i'm crying,
when i'm laughing like this..."
20090928
heartbreaker - gdragon
i wish i was a talented songwriter.
my road to youtube stardom is imminent since everyone in the APATH dorm can play guitar!
w00t
dorm life has been pretty exciting. i'm still getting used to being in college and doing assignments without any reminder
reading and lecture notes have been taking over my life even though school only started on thursday :[
and the best thing about living here is just hanging out with new people, i love all my new friends
sleepovers in each other's rooms are craaaazy fun
hahah
i miss home though, i miss my parents, my sister, henry, and the kids.
but i can go home whenever and hang out with everyone, so i'm not tripping about it at all
i know i have the social abilities to keep in touch with everyone if i really wanted to.
what i want more than anything is my mother's food!
i'm been living off of rice and soy sauce and the occasional ramen
if you love me, bring me food.
20090923
shots - lmfao
"if you're not drunk ladies and gentleman
get ready to get fucked up"
first frat party ever, what a great way to start off davis
pi alpha phi!
LOL
get ready to get fucked up"
first frat party ever, what a great way to start off davis
pi alpha phi!
LOL
20090922
knock you down - keri hilson, kayne west, ne-yo
featuring: jerri, bao, ky, valeria, karina, michelle, and me!
lol, crazy apath kids with nothing better to do.
the best thing is, we all played laptag and became friends with a lot of 3rd flor and 2nd floor kids.
there's a cute guy, i want to talk to him!
<3
i love UCD!!
20090918
run this town - jayz, kanye, rihanna
"life's a game but it's not fair
i break the rules so i don't care
so i keep doing my own thing
walking tall against the rain
[...]
we gon' run this town tonight"
today was supposed to be a simple day
lunch with the girls and then dinner with my mob
i also wanted to hang out with best friend and sisteer before i left
so i turned it into a huge goodbye
i invited everyone to go out to get some yogurt so we could eat and just hang out
what started out as innocent games of mao and taboo because intense run ins with cops
so we wanted to play laptag and there is a park across from tops
so we go there, and everyone decides to be smart and bring their cars over.
causing attention...great
so we get there and everyone's crowding the parking lot and me and best friend decide to go to the swings
so we're there and we see a car getting pulled over, right in front of the park.
so we're like shit, because they're gonna see us and think we're causing trouble.
so the cop takes forever to write the guy a ticket and finally everyone starts to walk towards the park
earlier, someone turned on their headlights and left the parking lot, so the cops now knew there were people.
so me and best friend are smart and stand near the back
we see bright lights and immediately figure out that it's the cops
so me and best friend start to walk away, pretending like it was nothing
the cop calls for us, but we keep on walking
now, i'm keyless and walletless because my purse is in chrissa's car, smart move
while walking in the freaking bike lane because the road we were on didn't have a sidewalk, michelle called
she escaped like we did and we met up at tops
while there dave calls and said he told the cops some of his friends were at tops
so we're like shit, if they find us, we're dead.
so we sit there and a cop pulls up, but goes to this group of bikers and talks to them for a while
chrissa calls me while the cop is there and i don't want her to come back when he's there, so i try to give her a hint, but she doesn't get it. so she's on the way home when i call her back and tell her to bring me my keys
so her and dave come and then rouel and paul are there so that rouel can give me back my sunglasses
so we're all there, talking and laughing about the situation and saying how lucky some of us are that the cops were too lazy to catch us.
but damn, this night was crazy. and i will always remember it. so many things happened, good and bad
i realized a lot of things and i took one step to try and get myself out of this slump i've been going through.
we run this town, so it will be all right in the end.
i break the rules so i don't care
so i keep doing my own thing
walking tall against the rain
[...]
we gon' run this town tonight"
today was supposed to be a simple day
lunch with the girls and then dinner with my mob
i also wanted to hang out with best friend and sisteer before i left
so i turned it into a huge goodbye
i invited everyone to go out to get some yogurt so we could eat and just hang out
what started out as innocent games of mao and taboo because intense run ins with cops
so we wanted to play laptag and there is a park across from tops
so we go there, and everyone decides to be smart and bring their cars over.
causing attention...great
so we get there and everyone's crowding the parking lot and me and best friend decide to go to the swings
so we're there and we see a car getting pulled over, right in front of the park.
so we're like shit, because they're gonna see us and think we're causing trouble.
so the cop takes forever to write the guy a ticket and finally everyone starts to walk towards the park
earlier, someone turned on their headlights and left the parking lot, so the cops now knew there were people.
so me and best friend are smart and stand near the back
we see bright lights and immediately figure out that it's the cops
so me and best friend start to walk away, pretending like it was nothing
the cop calls for us, but we keep on walking
now, i'm keyless and walletless because my purse is in chrissa's car, smart move
while walking in the freaking bike lane because the road we were on didn't have a sidewalk, michelle called
she escaped like we did and we met up at tops
while there dave calls and said he told the cops some of his friends were at tops
so we're like shit, if they find us, we're dead.
so we sit there and a cop pulls up, but goes to this group of bikers and talks to them for a while
chrissa calls me while the cop is there and i don't want her to come back when he's there, so i try to give her a hint, but she doesn't get it. so she's on the way home when i call her back and tell her to bring me my keys
so her and dave come and then rouel and paul are there so that rouel can give me back my sunglasses
so we're all there, talking and laughing about the situation and saying how lucky some of us are that the cops were too lazy to catch us.
but damn, this night was crazy. and i will always remember it. so many things happened, good and bad
i realized a lot of things and i took one step to try and get myself out of this slump i've been going through.
we run this town, so it will be all right in the end.
20090917
20090911
20090826
again&again - 2pm
"i think i've gone crazy - have i no pride?
i come back to you like the first time around
saying i can't be like this
[...]
again and again and again and again
i keep coming back to you - i don't know why
again and again and again and again
i fall for your words again - i don't know why"
i don't know why i'm doing this to myself
i come back to you like the first time around
saying i can't be like this
[...]
again and again and again and again
i keep coming back to you - i don't know why
again and again and again and again
i fall for your words again - i don't know why"
i don't know why i'm doing this to myself
20090821
stay - big bang
"all the pain that's been wreckin my brain
gettin so close to goin' insane"
i don't know when i started losing my voice.
i don't know when it became so hard for me to express how i feel
i don't know when i became so withdrawn from the world
i know who i'm close to, but they don't even know me that well
fuck, i don't even know myself.
i don't understand why i keep everything bottled up nowadays
i can't find one person to talk to - vent to
i can't put what's going on in my world into words
because of this, i've become selfish
constantly fighting to save my own ass
looking out for myself first
not worrying about others
maybe i need to stop putting myself in situations that create problems for me and the ones i care about.
my head is spinning, it's hurting
i'm going crazy
i'm not like this sober or drunk
so what the fuck is wrong with me
that was the result of years and years of wear and tear
endless days of not being able to be my true self
i'm scared.
gettin so close to goin' insane"
i don't know when i started losing my voice.
i don't know when it became so hard for me to express how i feel
i don't know when i became so withdrawn from the world
i know who i'm close to, but they don't even know me that well
fuck, i don't even know myself.
i don't understand why i keep everything bottled up nowadays
i can't find one person to talk to - vent to
i can't put what's going on in my world into words
because of this, i've become selfish
constantly fighting to save my own ass
looking out for myself first
not worrying about others
maybe i need to stop putting myself in situations that create problems for me and the ones i care about.
my head is spinning, it's hurting
i'm going crazy
i'm not like this sober or drunk
so what the fuck is wrong with me
that was the result of years and years of wear and tear
endless days of not being able to be my true self
i'm scared.
20090818
summertime - magnetic north & taiyo na
"summertime days and summertime ways
how i do love you - let me number the ways
1, love how the sun is unchanged
so much rain - bout time that summertime came
2's for the music we bump when we cruisin'
i might go deaf but the subwoof is soothin'
3 is for the company - chilling comfortably
up in the summer breeze"
i love summer. except for one, i'm not a fan of the sun and the heat
but hey, what can you do about it, right? - it is nature after all.
i have been bumpin' GD all day today.
and i just downloaded bringing you love, so i have more songs to blast
driving down the streets during a summertime sunset with music on high is probably the best feeling ever :]
"countdown to ten, before the summer ends
my choice for 10: house parties in brooklyn
[...]
see the sun settin' - that will be 7
the sun coming up, that's 6 (what up!)"
although i've never partied in brooklyn, one can dream
but parties in the summertime are much more enjoyable because you don't always have to watch the clock
the feeling of ease and relaxation takes over you when you are partying it up.
and i've seen the sun set a number of times, and it still never ceases to amaze me
sun rises - i've only seen one since summer started, but it was nice and peaceful :D
"8, rockin' my aviator shades
number 7: movie marathons with my friends
now 6, bbqs and picnics
[...]
4, chillin' in the bay and new york
3 - vacays with the family
2 is spending my summer with you
in fact i like it so much, you're my number 1 too (aw)"
i wish i got that summer fling i asked for, i think it would've made my summer a little bit more enjoyable
i still need to go to the bay one time before summer is over - i miss it so much
and who can forget epic movie nights with chrissa and adrienne :]
"woke up this morning to a tune i couldn't sing
but then you came around
and now i found the perfect harmony"
how i do love you - let me number the ways
1, love how the sun is unchanged
so much rain - bout time that summertime came
2's for the music we bump when we cruisin'
i might go deaf but the subwoof is soothin'
3 is for the company - chilling comfortably
up in the summer breeze"
i love summer. except for one, i'm not a fan of the sun and the heat
but hey, what can you do about it, right? - it is nature after all.
i have been bumpin' GD all day today.
and i just downloaded bringing you love, so i have more songs to blast
driving down the streets during a summertime sunset with music on high is probably the best feeling ever :]
"countdown to ten, before the summer ends
my choice for 10: house parties in brooklyn
[...]
see the sun settin' - that will be 7
the sun coming up, that's 6 (what up!)"
although i've never partied in brooklyn, one can dream
but parties in the summertime are much more enjoyable because you don't always have to watch the clock
the feeling of ease and relaxation takes over you when you are partying it up.
and i've seen the sun set a number of times, and it still never ceases to amaze me
sun rises - i've only seen one since summer started, but it was nice and peaceful :D
"8, rockin' my aviator shades
number 7: movie marathons with my friends
now 6, bbqs and picnics
[...]
4, chillin' in the bay and new york
3 - vacays with the family
2 is spending my summer with you
in fact i like it so much, you're my number 1 too (aw)"
i wish i got that summer fling i asked for, i think it would've made my summer a little bit more enjoyable
i still need to go to the bay one time before summer is over - i miss it so much
and who can forget epic movie nights with chrissa and adrienne :]
"woke up this morning to a tune i couldn't sing
but then you came around
and now i found the perfect harmony"
20090814
breaking the habit - linkin park
"memories consume
like opening the wound
i'm picking me apart again
[...]
i don't want to be the one
the battles always choose
'cause inside i realize
that i'm the one confused
[...]
clutching my cure
i tightly lock the door
i try to catch my breath again
[...]
i don't know how i got this way
i know it's not alright"
'nuff said
like opening the wound
i'm picking me apart again
[...]
i don't want to be the one
the battles always choose
'cause inside i realize
that i'm the one confused
[...]
clutching my cure
i tightly lock the door
i try to catch my breath again
[...]
i don't know how i got this way
i know it's not alright"
'nuff said
20090813
new soul - yael naim
"i'm a new soul in this very strange world
hoping i could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take
but since i came here, felt the joy and the fear
finding myself making every possible mistake"
seriously, i'm done with high school, but why is drama still around.
i'm so tired of it and so over it.
i'm almost in college, g'damn it. it's time to get over this petty shit
get over it and get over yourselves.
i don't even know anymore, seriously.
this is some sort of bullshit that's floating around - and sorry, i'm allergic so stay the fuck away from me.
i'm so done - drama is not my cup of tea
and OVERDRAMATIZING is not my idea of a fun time. so fuck off and good night bitches.
i'll just stick to my tweetdeck and twitter texts :D
hoping i could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take
but since i came here, felt the joy and the fear
finding myself making every possible mistake"
seriously, i'm done with high school, but why is drama still around.
i'm so tired of it and so over it.
i'm almost in college, g'damn it. it's time to get over this petty shit
get over it and get over yourselves.
i don't even know anymore, seriously.
this is some sort of bullshit that's floating around - and sorry, i'm allergic so stay the fuck away from me.
i'm so done - drama is not my cup of tea
and OVERDRAMATIZING is not my idea of a fun time. so fuck off and good night bitches.
i'll just stick to my tweetdeck and twitter texts :D
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