colors - utada hikaru

...

Your Existing Situation

"Needs extra attention and must feel she is very important to those around her. If she doesn't think she is being spoiled enough, she may shut herself off from others."

Your Stress Sources

"Feels unappreciated and in an unpleasant position. Needs personal recognition and the respect of others, since she has not been about to find partners who value the same things she does. she holds back her emotions and is unable to give fully of herself, but lasting isolation makes her want to change those ways and surrender to her deep urges. Giving in to her natural instincts and urges is a sign of weakness, so feeling this way makes her weak and irritable. Fighting these urges makes her feel stronger, as if she can take on anything that comes her way. Longs to be valued as an important associate and admired for her personal qualities."

Your Restrained Characteristics

Her confidence is low but she is unable to admit that is the reason for her avoidance of conflict. Feels it is a situation out of her control and she is making the best of it.

"Feels trapped in a helpless situation and is desperately seeking relief. she is able to find pleasure and happiness in sexual activity, as long as there is not a lot of conflict or emotional difficulty."



Your Desired Objective

"Wants interesting and exciting things to happen in her life. she is able to make others like him, because of her genuine concern for them. she is charming and open and makes friends easily. she can have an over-active imagination, which leads her to fantasize and daydream."

Your Actual Problem

"Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual."

Your Actual Problem #2

"Feeling a lack of energy, she does not wish to be involved in further activity or give in to demands. she is feeling powerless causing her stress, agitation, and irritation, all which she tries to escape by refusing to participate altogether. she tries to escape into a fantasy world where things go her way and her desires are easier to reach."

...

somewhat true...i can dig it

without a heart - 8eight

"if i say that i'm in pain, i'm scared that i'll really be in pain
if i say that i'm sad, i'm scared that i will shed my tears
why don't i just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
but people ask me why i'm crying...

everyday i cry, i smile, cry then smile again
what's wrong with me, why do i do this repeatedly?
can't differentiate between bottles of alcohol and meals
so far in my life, i never felt pain this excruciating
absentmindedly, i write your name over and over on a piece of paper
in a day, the paper becomes black and i finally let the pen go
i long for you, i hold on to my cellphone and let it go
my eyes are filling up with tears again, this separation between us..

i'm without a heart, i don't have a heart
so i wouldn't be feeling pain
everyday i talk to myself, and put myself under a spell
but even so, i keep shedding my tears

if i say that i'm in pain, i'm scared that i'll really be in pain
if i say that I'm sad, i'm scared that i will shed my tears
why don't i just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
but people ask me why i'm crying,
when i'm laughing like this..."

heartbreaker - gdragon

i wish i was a talented songwriter.
my road to youtube stardom is imminent since everyone in the APATH dorm can play guitar!
w00t
dorm life has been pretty exciting. i'm still getting used to being in college and doing assignments without any reminder
reading and lecture notes have been taking over my life even though school only started on thursday :[
and the best thing about living here is just hanging out with new people, i love all my new friends
sleepovers in each other's rooms are craaaazy fun
hahah
i miss home though, i miss my parents, my sister, henry, and the kids.
but i can go home whenever and hang out with everyone, so i'm not tripping about it at all
i know i have the social abilities to keep in touch with everyone if i really wanted to.
what i want more than anything is my mother's food!
i'm been living off of rice and soy sauce and the occasional ramen
if you love me, bring me food.

shots - lmfao

"if you're not drunk ladies and gentleman
get ready to get fucked up"

first frat party ever, what a great way to start off davis
pi alpha phi!
LOL

knock you down - keri hilson, kayne west, ne-yo

featuring: jerri, bao, ky, valeria, karina, michelle, and me!
lol, crazy apath kids with nothing better to do.
the best thing is, we all played laptag and became friends with a lot of 3rd flor and 2nd floor kids.
there's a cute guy, i want to talk to him!
<3
i love UCD!!

run this town - jayz, kanye, rihanna

"life's a game but it's not fair
i break the rules so i don't care
so i keep doing my own thing
walking tall against the rain
[...]
we gon' run this town tonight"

today was supposed to be a simple day
lunch with the girls and then dinner with my mob
i also wanted to hang out with best friend and sisteer before i left
so i turned it into a huge goodbye
i invited everyone to go out to get some yogurt so we could eat and just hang out
what started out as innocent games of mao and taboo because intense run ins with cops
so we wanted to play laptag and there is a park across from tops
so we go there, and everyone decides to be smart and bring their cars over.
causing attention...great
so we get there and everyone's crowding the parking lot and me and best friend decide to go to the swings
so we're there and we see a car getting pulled over, right in front of the park.
so we're like shit, because they're gonna see us and think we're causing trouble.
so the cop takes forever to write the guy a ticket and finally everyone starts to walk towards the park
earlier, someone turned on their headlights and left the parking lot, so the cops now knew there were people.
so me and best friend are smart and stand near the back
we see bright lights and immediately figure out that it's the cops
so me and best friend start to walk away, pretending like it was nothing
the cop calls for us, but we keep on walking
now, i'm keyless and walletless because my purse is in chrissa's car, smart move
while walking in the freaking bike lane because the road we were on didn't have a sidewalk, michelle called
she escaped like we did and we met up at tops
while there dave calls and said he told the cops some of his friends were at tops
so we're like shit, if they find us, we're dead.
so we sit there and a cop pulls up, but goes to this group of bikers and talks to them for a while
chrissa calls me while the cop is there and i don't want her to come back when he's there, so i try to give her a hint, but she doesn't get it. so she's on the way home when i call her back and tell her to bring me my keys
so her and dave come and then rouel and paul are there so that rouel can give me back my sunglasses
so we're all there, talking and laughing about the situation and saying how lucky some of us are that the cops were too lazy to catch us.
but damn, this night was crazy. and i will always remember it. so many things happened, good and bad
i realized a lot of things and i took one step to try and get myself out of this slump i've been going through.
we run this town, so it will be all right in the end.

blackbird - the beatles