tik tok - 2pm

"there's no room in my heart for anyone to come"

i'm so tired of it all.

twenty ten

oh 2009, how you flew by like nothing but wind past my face. i can barely remember what happened in the past 12 months. i graduated, got into davis, moved out of the house, and i've spent around 4 months away from home. not so great of accomplishments, if you ask me.

2009 has been a bumpy ride. so many people died and so much shit happened that i don't even feel like re-capping. it was a year of drama, laughs, heartbreak, bonding, etc. i can't even sum up this year into words but i know for sure that i'm glad it's over and that a new year is literally around the corner.

when the clock hits 12 tonight, even though it's just another day, i feel like i can start over. be a new person and change my ways. i usually don't make resolutions, but hell, i have a lot this year.

health:
create a diet and stick to it
drink more water
work out more

finances:
get a job
save up money
find a house for next year

academics:
get straight As (just once is fine)

social:
join the pre-law frat
do a little sister program
get to know people outside of apath
talk to a stranger

personal:
realize who my true friends are
appreciate my family more
take things slow
stop analyzing the little things

that list is a mouth full and a lot more. i'm looking for a lot this year. i'm tired of being "me". cause it's not really me. we all know that. why does finding myself have to be so hard. i want to be happy with who i am. i'm tired of settling and not being satisfied. i'm ready to take control of my life and make things happy. i just want this year to be stress free.

i'm done with boys. no more boys this year. they bring me nothing but headaches and trouble. it's better if i don't go looking for them cause i no longer have time to deal with all of that. i definitely learned my lesson this year. some things are just not worth worrying over.

i'm starting fresh. it's a new me that's going to face this world head on.

i'm ready

colors - utada hikaru

...

Your Existing Situation

"Needs extra attention and must feel she is very important to those around her. If she doesn't think she is being spoiled enough, she may shut herself off from others."

Your Stress Sources

"Feels unappreciated and in an unpleasant position. Needs personal recognition and the respect of others, since she has not been about to find partners who value the same things she does. she holds back her emotions and is unable to give fully of herself, but lasting isolation makes her want to change those ways and surrender to her deep urges. Giving in to her natural instincts and urges is a sign of weakness, so feeling this way makes her weak and irritable. Fighting these urges makes her feel stronger, as if she can take on anything that comes her way. Longs to be valued as an important associate and admired for her personal qualities."

Your Restrained Characteristics

Her confidence is low but she is unable to admit that is the reason for her avoidance of conflict. Feels it is a situation out of her control and she is making the best of it.

"Feels trapped in a helpless situation and is desperately seeking relief. she is able to find pleasure and happiness in sexual activity, as long as there is not a lot of conflict or emotional difficulty."



Your Desired Objective

"Wants interesting and exciting things to happen in her life. she is able to make others like him, because of her genuine concern for them. she is charming and open and makes friends easily. she can have an over-active imagination, which leads her to fantasize and daydream."

Your Actual Problem

"Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual."

Your Actual Problem #2

"Feeling a lack of energy, she does not wish to be involved in further activity or give in to demands. she is feeling powerless causing her stress, agitation, and irritation, all which she tries to escape by refusing to participate altogether. she tries to escape into a fantasy world where things go her way and her desires are easier to reach."

...

somewhat true...i can dig it

without a heart - 8eight

"if i say that i'm in pain, i'm scared that i'll really be in pain
if i say that i'm sad, i'm scared that i will shed my tears
why don't i just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
but people ask me why i'm crying...

everyday i cry, i smile, cry then smile again
what's wrong with me, why do i do this repeatedly?
can't differentiate between bottles of alcohol and meals
so far in my life, i never felt pain this excruciating
absentmindedly, i write your name over and over on a piece of paper
in a day, the paper becomes black and i finally let the pen go
i long for you, i hold on to my cellphone and let it go
my eyes are filling up with tears again, this separation between us..

i'm without a heart, i don't have a heart
so i wouldn't be feeling pain
everyday i talk to myself, and put myself under a spell
but even so, i keep shedding my tears

if i say that i'm in pain, i'm scared that i'll really be in pain
if i say that I'm sad, i'm scared that i will shed my tears
why don't i just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
but people ask me why i'm crying,
when i'm laughing like this..."

heartbreaker - gdragon

i wish i was a talented songwriter.
my road to youtube stardom is imminent since everyone in the APATH dorm can play guitar!
w00t
dorm life has been pretty exciting. i'm still getting used to being in college and doing assignments without any reminder
reading and lecture notes have been taking over my life even though school only started on thursday :[
and the best thing about living here is just hanging out with new people, i love all my new friends
sleepovers in each other's rooms are craaaazy fun
hahah
i miss home though, i miss my parents, my sister, henry, and the kids.
but i can go home whenever and hang out with everyone, so i'm not tripping about it at all
i know i have the social abilities to keep in touch with everyone if i really wanted to.
what i want more than anything is my mother's food!
i'm been living off of rice and soy sauce and the occasional ramen
if you love me, bring me food.

shots - lmfao

"if you're not drunk ladies and gentleman
get ready to get fucked up"

first frat party ever, what a great way to start off davis
pi alpha phi!
LOL

knock you down - keri hilson, kayne west, ne-yo

featuring: jerri, bao, ky, valeria, karina, michelle, and me!
lol, crazy apath kids with nothing better to do.
the best thing is, we all played laptag and became friends with a lot of 3rd flor and 2nd floor kids.
there's a cute guy, i want to talk to him!
<3
i love UCD!!