i don't care

"You fooled me with your lies hundreds of times
From today on, I'll be a bad girl who makes guys cry
Now without a single tear, I'll laugh at you
Loser who's inside a game called love
Get on your knees and take me back
If not, get out of my sight right now"

2ne1 - i don't care

as chrissa says...IDGAF

so someone please tell me why my summer has been really lame.
my relationships haven't been working out the way i want them to...in the end IDGAF
i'm antisocial and hate this heat....IDGAF
everyone's freaking out cause friendships aren't lasting...IDGAF
i'm tired of everyone's shit, so fuck 'em, right??

seriously.

IDGAF
boy, friends, all that shit can suck it
i'm done living life.
i just wanna get by

this is the one

so my lovely cousin sent me hikki's new english album
i enjoy it a lot more than her old one.
the beats are nicer, the lyrics are a little less weird, and it's more hikki than before.
and i was so excited that there was an "automatic part II", but i was disappointed.
not that great.

ah, so i went out yesterday
i tend to only go out once a week - me being antisocial and all
so yesterday was the day
adrienne picked me up and we went to get chrissa and ck
and we went to go watch the boxing thing.
it was not cracking
and this one bitch tried to challenge me?
if i wasn't so scared that she would kill me by sitting on me, i would've fought her.
i know they were all trying to call me out
and by sly about it
i don't even know why they don't like me
they don't even know me
and i didn't do shit to them
too bad they always try to be nice to my face
fake ass bitches

good times

i need to have at least one good time this summer.
sure, having the occasional kickback here and there is fun
but it's not as great as it can be
i need to surround myself with some new faces (good people, of course)
and just get to know a stranger
because i'm done with this small world that is sacramento
everyone knows everyone
i need to get out of here
and find someone worth talking to

i have fallen in love...

with leadja and okdaeri

omg, idol army, what have you done to me?!

i'm done with it

idgaf anymore

"when life gives you shit...."

"...you make shitonade."

oh dear god, how have i been feeling lately.i been feeling so much like a hot mess i can't even put it into words.

first off, my summer has been pretty lame. i haven't done anything besides work and sleep. i'm serious, that's all i've done for the past two weeks. so, i guess it's my fault for being some type of social hermit and not willing to hang out with anyone or talk to anyone. but no one wants to hang with me or talk to me. so why should i bother?

you know what's funny? every time i have some intense, long update...it always ends up being about a guy.

so, why should this time be any different. needless to say folks, i'm exhausted. i'm tired of guys. tired of their shit. seriously, why do i always end up being in the exact same situation? i sure do know how to pick them. i pick the ones that are too pansy to do shit. expect me to do all the work. and in the end, they get bored or "make big life decisions" that somehow can't involve me.

am i asking for too much? is it too much to ask for some who fucking cares for once. who can understand me and take me for all my faults. understand what i've been through and just be like "fuck it" you are who you are and i love it. but no. maybe i carry too much baggage for someone to love. maybe i just have too much shit going on. maybe i'm just too anti-fucking-social to have a decent relationship with a guy.

or maybe, i just need to find a man who has some fucking 'nads. how hard is it to grow a pair. shouldn't you already have one to begin with?? like seriously, call me a whiny bitch, but i don't give a fuck. i'm so TIRED of it. wtf. maybe it's just the guys i happen to meet. maybe i should stop hanging out with 18 and 19 year old BOYS that don't know a fuck about ANYTHING. seriously, leading people on is not fun. especially when you get the short end of the stick. and now, i just anticipate getting fucked over. i don't even look for the happiness anymore.

my heart is so scarred. so wounded. but everyone expects me to heal so quickly. "just get over it" "forget him." it's so easy to say from the outside looking in. but they have no idea the turmoil i fucking go through. i toss and turn every night cause something is ALWAYS on my mind. thinking about something, anything. from the things i did, to the things i should've done. what i said, or what i should say. why should i put so much effort into it when it's just WHATEVER to you.

that's my deal, okay. thing's are just WHATEVER to me. but not you. so why do i give a fuck when i'm NOTHING to you. if i told you tomorrow that i've been falling for you. would you ever give a fuck. do you even feel the same fucking way? or will you just laugh and reject me. FUCK IT. why do i even care.

it's FUCKING SUMMER.
time to make some shitonade.

i heart 8eight

fuck your shit

really though, i'm tired of this shit
everyone trying to rope me into drama that has nothing to do with me.
I.DON'T.GIVE.A.FUCK.
i could care less what other people do
i could care less what might or might not go down
fuck your shit
i'm tired of it

i need a drink

seriously, i need some drinks.
apple martinis anyone?
lol

my escape

it's summer, we all know what that means....
it's time for me to catch up on my fanfics and my dramas
oh yes, senior year was so crazy i barely had time to read
i caught up on like 5 fanfics yesterday
dramas are next, but ill save those for a night where i don't have to work the next day.

and then it's back to me writing again
updating you with my life
writing in my old journal, keeping tabs on myself.

i love summer
and i'm still waiting for my perfect summer night <3

I AM DONE.

no more high school.

alumni status, baby