oh 2009, how you flew by like nothing but wind past my face. i can barely remember what happened in the past 12 months. i graduated, got into davis, moved out of the house, and i've spent around 4 months away from home. not so great of accomplishments, if you ask me.
2009 has been a bumpy ride. so many people died and so much shit happened that i don't even feel like re-capping. it was a year of drama, laughs, heartbreak, bonding, etc. i can't even sum up this year into words but i know for sure that i'm glad it's over and that a new year is literally around the corner.
when the clock hits 12 tonight, even though it's just another day, i feel like i can start over. be a new person and change my ways. i usually don't make resolutions, but hell, i have a lot this year.
health:
create a diet and stick to it
drink more water
work out more
finances:
get a job
save up money
find a house for next year
academics:
get straight As (just once is fine)
social:
join the pre-law frat
do a little sister program
get to know people outside of apath
talk to a stranger
personal:
realize who my true friends are
appreciate my family more
take things slow
stop analyzing the little things
that list is a mouth full and a lot more. i'm looking for a lot this year. i'm tired of being "me". cause it's not really me. we all know that. why does finding myself have to be so hard. i want to be happy with who i am. i'm tired of settling and not being satisfied. i'm ready to take control of my life and make things happy. i just want this year to be stress free.
i'm done with boys. no more boys this year. they bring me nothing but headaches and trouble. it's better if i don't go looking for them cause i no longer have time to deal with all of that. i definitely learned my lesson this year. some things are just not worth worrying over.
i'm starting fresh. it's a new me that's going to face this world head on.
i'm ready
20091231
20091111
colors - utada hikaru
...
Your Existing Situation
"Needs extra attention and must feel she is very important to those around her. If she doesn't think she is being spoiled enough, she may shut herself off from others."
Your Stress Sources
"Feels unappreciated and in an unpleasant position. Needs personal recognition and the respect of others, since she has not been about to find partners who value the same things she does. she holds back her emotions and is unable to give fully of herself, but lasting isolation makes her want to change those ways and surrender to her deep urges. Giving in to her natural instincts and urges is a sign of weakness, so feeling this way makes her weak and irritable. Fighting these urges makes her feel stronger, as if she can take on anything that comes her way. Longs to be valued as an important associate and admired for her personal qualities."
Your Restrained Characteristics
Her confidence is low but she is unable to admit that is the reason for her avoidance of conflict. Feels it is a situation out of her control and she is making the best of it.
"Feels trapped in a helpless situation and is desperately seeking relief. she is able to find pleasure and happiness in sexual activity, as long as there is not a lot of conflict or emotional difficulty."
Your Desired Objective
"Wants interesting and exciting things to happen in her life. she is able to make others like him, because of her genuine concern for them. she is charming and open and makes friends easily. she can have an over-active imagination, which leads her to fantasize and daydream."
Your Actual Problem
"Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual."
Your Actual Problem #2
"Feeling a lack of energy, she does not wish to be involved in further activity or give in to demands. she is feeling powerless causing her stress, agitation, and irritation, all which she tries to escape by refusing to participate altogether. she tries to escape into a fantasy world where things go her way and her desires are easier to reach."
...
somewhat true...i can dig it
20091019
without a heart - 8eight
"if i say that i'm in pain, i'm scared that i'll really be in pain
if i say that i'm sad, i'm scared that i will shed my tears
why don't i just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
but people ask me why i'm crying...
everyday i cry, i smile, cry then smile again
what's wrong with me, why do i do this repeatedly?
can't differentiate between bottles of alcohol and meals
so far in my life, i never felt pain this excruciating
absentmindedly, i write your name over and over on a piece of paper
in a day, the paper becomes black and i finally let the pen go
i long for you, i hold on to my cellphone and let it go
my eyes are filling up with tears again, this separation between us..
i'm without a heart, i don't have a heart
so i wouldn't be feeling pain
everyday i talk to myself, and put myself under a spell
but even so, i keep shedding my tears
if i say that i'm in pain, i'm scared that i'll really be in pain
if i say that I'm sad, i'm scared that i will shed my tears
why don't i just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
but people ask me why i'm crying,
when i'm laughing like this..."
if i say that i'm sad, i'm scared that i will shed my tears
why don't i just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
but people ask me why i'm crying...
everyday i cry, i smile, cry then smile again
what's wrong with me, why do i do this repeatedly?
can't differentiate between bottles of alcohol and meals
so far in my life, i never felt pain this excruciating
absentmindedly, i write your name over and over on a piece of paper
in a day, the paper becomes black and i finally let the pen go
i long for you, i hold on to my cellphone and let it go
my eyes are filling up with tears again, this separation between us..
i'm without a heart, i don't have a heart
so i wouldn't be feeling pain
everyday i talk to myself, and put myself under a spell
but even so, i keep shedding my tears
if i say that i'm in pain, i'm scared that i'll really be in pain
if i say that I'm sad, i'm scared that i will shed my tears
why don't i just laugh, just laugh, just laugh...
but people ask me why i'm crying,
when i'm laughing like this..."
20090928
heartbreaker - gdragon
i wish i was a talented songwriter.
my road to youtube stardom is imminent since everyone in the APATH dorm can play guitar!
w00t
dorm life has been pretty exciting. i'm still getting used to being in college and doing assignments without any reminder
reading and lecture notes have been taking over my life even though school only started on thursday :[
and the best thing about living here is just hanging out with new people, i love all my new friends
sleepovers in each other's rooms are craaaazy fun
hahah
i miss home though, i miss my parents, my sister, henry, and the kids.
but i can go home whenever and hang out with everyone, so i'm not tripping about it at all
i know i have the social abilities to keep in touch with everyone if i really wanted to.
what i want more than anything is my mother's food!
i'm been living off of rice and soy sauce and the occasional ramen
if you love me, bring me food.
20090923
shots - lmfao
"if you're not drunk ladies and gentleman
get ready to get fucked up"
first frat party ever, what a great way to start off davis
pi alpha phi!
LOL
get ready to get fucked up"
first frat party ever, what a great way to start off davis
pi alpha phi!
LOL
20090922
knock you down - keri hilson, kayne west, ne-yo
featuring: jerri, bao, ky, valeria, karina, michelle, and me!
lol, crazy apath kids with nothing better to do.
the best thing is, we all played laptag and became friends with a lot of 3rd flor and 2nd floor kids.
there's a cute guy, i want to talk to him!
<3
i love UCD!!
20090918
run this town - jayz, kanye, rihanna
"life's a game but it's not fair
i break the rules so i don't care
so i keep doing my own thing
walking tall against the rain
[...]
we gon' run this town tonight"
today was supposed to be a simple day
lunch with the girls and then dinner with my mob
i also wanted to hang out with best friend and sisteer before i left
so i turned it into a huge goodbye
i invited everyone to go out to get some yogurt so we could eat and just hang out
what started out as innocent games of mao and taboo because intense run ins with cops
so we wanted to play laptag and there is a park across from tops
so we go there, and everyone decides to be smart and bring their cars over.
causing attention...great
so we get there and everyone's crowding the parking lot and me and best friend decide to go to the swings
so we're there and we see a car getting pulled over, right in front of the park.
so we're like shit, because they're gonna see us and think we're causing trouble.
so the cop takes forever to write the guy a ticket and finally everyone starts to walk towards the park
earlier, someone turned on their headlights and left the parking lot, so the cops now knew there were people.
so me and best friend are smart and stand near the back
we see bright lights and immediately figure out that it's the cops
so me and best friend start to walk away, pretending like it was nothing
the cop calls for us, but we keep on walking
now, i'm keyless and walletless because my purse is in chrissa's car, smart move
while walking in the freaking bike lane because the road we were on didn't have a sidewalk, michelle called
she escaped like we did and we met up at tops
while there dave calls and said he told the cops some of his friends were at tops
so we're like shit, if they find us, we're dead.
so we sit there and a cop pulls up, but goes to this group of bikers and talks to them for a while
chrissa calls me while the cop is there and i don't want her to come back when he's there, so i try to give her a hint, but she doesn't get it. so she's on the way home when i call her back and tell her to bring me my keys
so her and dave come and then rouel and paul are there so that rouel can give me back my sunglasses
so we're all there, talking and laughing about the situation and saying how lucky some of us are that the cops were too lazy to catch us.
but damn, this night was crazy. and i will always remember it. so many things happened, good and bad
i realized a lot of things and i took one step to try and get myself out of this slump i've been going through.
we run this town, so it will be all right in the end.
i break the rules so i don't care
so i keep doing my own thing
walking tall against the rain
[...]
we gon' run this town tonight"
today was supposed to be a simple day
lunch with the girls and then dinner with my mob
i also wanted to hang out with best friend and sisteer before i left
so i turned it into a huge goodbye
i invited everyone to go out to get some yogurt so we could eat and just hang out
what started out as innocent games of mao and taboo because intense run ins with cops
so we wanted to play laptag and there is a park across from tops
so we go there, and everyone decides to be smart and bring their cars over.
causing attention...great
so we get there and everyone's crowding the parking lot and me and best friend decide to go to the swings
so we're there and we see a car getting pulled over, right in front of the park.
so we're like shit, because they're gonna see us and think we're causing trouble.
so the cop takes forever to write the guy a ticket and finally everyone starts to walk towards the park
earlier, someone turned on their headlights and left the parking lot, so the cops now knew there were people.
so me and best friend are smart and stand near the back
we see bright lights and immediately figure out that it's the cops
so me and best friend start to walk away, pretending like it was nothing
the cop calls for us, but we keep on walking
now, i'm keyless and walletless because my purse is in chrissa's car, smart move
while walking in the freaking bike lane because the road we were on didn't have a sidewalk, michelle called
she escaped like we did and we met up at tops
while there dave calls and said he told the cops some of his friends were at tops
so we're like shit, if they find us, we're dead.
so we sit there and a cop pulls up, but goes to this group of bikers and talks to them for a while
chrissa calls me while the cop is there and i don't want her to come back when he's there, so i try to give her a hint, but she doesn't get it. so she's on the way home when i call her back and tell her to bring me my keys
so her and dave come and then rouel and paul are there so that rouel can give me back my sunglasses
so we're all there, talking and laughing about the situation and saying how lucky some of us are that the cops were too lazy to catch us.
but damn, this night was crazy. and i will always remember it. so many things happened, good and bad
i realized a lot of things and i took one step to try and get myself out of this slump i've been going through.
we run this town, so it will be all right in the end.
20090917
20090911
20090826
again&again - 2pm
"i think i've gone crazy - have i no pride?
i come back to you like the first time around
saying i can't be like this
[...]
again and again and again and again
i keep coming back to you - i don't know why
again and again and again and again
i fall for your words again - i don't know why"
i don't know why i'm doing this to myself
i come back to you like the first time around
saying i can't be like this
[...]
again and again and again and again
i keep coming back to you - i don't know why
again and again and again and again
i fall for your words again - i don't know why"
i don't know why i'm doing this to myself
20090821
stay - big bang
"all the pain that's been wreckin my brain
gettin so close to goin' insane"
i don't know when i started losing my voice.
i don't know when it became so hard for me to express how i feel
i don't know when i became so withdrawn from the world
i know who i'm close to, but they don't even know me that well
fuck, i don't even know myself.
i don't understand why i keep everything bottled up nowadays
i can't find one person to talk to - vent to
i can't put what's going on in my world into words
because of this, i've become selfish
constantly fighting to save my own ass
looking out for myself first
not worrying about others
maybe i need to stop putting myself in situations that create problems for me and the ones i care about.
my head is spinning, it's hurting
i'm going crazy
i'm not like this sober or drunk
so what the fuck is wrong with me
that was the result of years and years of wear and tear
endless days of not being able to be my true self
i'm scared.
gettin so close to goin' insane"
i don't know when i started losing my voice.
i don't know when it became so hard for me to express how i feel
i don't know when i became so withdrawn from the world
i know who i'm close to, but they don't even know me that well
fuck, i don't even know myself.
i don't understand why i keep everything bottled up nowadays
i can't find one person to talk to - vent to
i can't put what's going on in my world into words
because of this, i've become selfish
constantly fighting to save my own ass
looking out for myself first
not worrying about others
maybe i need to stop putting myself in situations that create problems for me and the ones i care about.
my head is spinning, it's hurting
i'm going crazy
i'm not like this sober or drunk
so what the fuck is wrong with me
that was the result of years and years of wear and tear
endless days of not being able to be my true self
i'm scared.
20090818
summertime - magnetic north & taiyo na
"summertime days and summertime ways
how i do love you - let me number the ways
1, love how the sun is unchanged
so much rain - bout time that summertime came
2's for the music we bump when we cruisin'
i might go deaf but the subwoof is soothin'
3 is for the company - chilling comfortably
up in the summer breeze"
i love summer. except for one, i'm not a fan of the sun and the heat
but hey, what can you do about it, right? - it is nature after all.
i have been bumpin' GD all day today.
and i just downloaded bringing you love, so i have more songs to blast
driving down the streets during a summertime sunset with music on high is probably the best feeling ever :]
"countdown to ten, before the summer ends
my choice for 10: house parties in brooklyn
[...]
see the sun settin' - that will be 7
the sun coming up, that's 6 (what up!)"
although i've never partied in brooklyn, one can dream
but parties in the summertime are much more enjoyable because you don't always have to watch the clock
the feeling of ease and relaxation takes over you when you are partying it up.
and i've seen the sun set a number of times, and it still never ceases to amaze me
sun rises - i've only seen one since summer started, but it was nice and peaceful :D
"8, rockin' my aviator shades
number 7: movie marathons with my friends
now 6, bbqs and picnics
[...]
4, chillin' in the bay and new york
3 - vacays with the family
2 is spending my summer with you
in fact i like it so much, you're my number 1 too (aw)"
i wish i got that summer fling i asked for, i think it would've made my summer a little bit more enjoyable
i still need to go to the bay one time before summer is over - i miss it so much
and who can forget epic movie nights with chrissa and adrienne :]
"woke up this morning to a tune i couldn't sing
but then you came around
and now i found the perfect harmony"
how i do love you - let me number the ways
1, love how the sun is unchanged
so much rain - bout time that summertime came
2's for the music we bump when we cruisin'
i might go deaf but the subwoof is soothin'
3 is for the company - chilling comfortably
up in the summer breeze"
i love summer. except for one, i'm not a fan of the sun and the heat
but hey, what can you do about it, right? - it is nature after all.
i have been bumpin' GD all day today.
and i just downloaded bringing you love, so i have more songs to blast
driving down the streets during a summertime sunset with music on high is probably the best feeling ever :]
"countdown to ten, before the summer ends
my choice for 10: house parties in brooklyn
[...]
see the sun settin' - that will be 7
the sun coming up, that's 6 (what up!)"
although i've never partied in brooklyn, one can dream
but parties in the summertime are much more enjoyable because you don't always have to watch the clock
the feeling of ease and relaxation takes over you when you are partying it up.
and i've seen the sun set a number of times, and it still never ceases to amaze me
sun rises - i've only seen one since summer started, but it was nice and peaceful :D
"8, rockin' my aviator shades
number 7: movie marathons with my friends
now 6, bbqs and picnics
[...]
4, chillin' in the bay and new york
3 - vacays with the family
2 is spending my summer with you
in fact i like it so much, you're my number 1 too (aw)"
i wish i got that summer fling i asked for, i think it would've made my summer a little bit more enjoyable
i still need to go to the bay one time before summer is over - i miss it so much
and who can forget epic movie nights with chrissa and adrienne :]
"woke up this morning to a tune i couldn't sing
but then you came around
and now i found the perfect harmony"
20090814
breaking the habit - linkin park
"memories consume
like opening the wound
i'm picking me apart again
[...]
i don't want to be the one
the battles always choose
'cause inside i realize
that i'm the one confused
[...]
clutching my cure
i tightly lock the door
i try to catch my breath again
[...]
i don't know how i got this way
i know it's not alright"
'nuff said
like opening the wound
i'm picking me apart again
[...]
i don't want to be the one
the battles always choose
'cause inside i realize
that i'm the one confused
[...]
clutching my cure
i tightly lock the door
i try to catch my breath again
[...]
i don't know how i got this way
i know it's not alright"
'nuff said
20090813
new soul - yael naim
"i'm a new soul in this very strange world
hoping i could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take
but since i came here, felt the joy and the fear
finding myself making every possible mistake"
seriously, i'm done with high school, but why is drama still around.
i'm so tired of it and so over it.
i'm almost in college, g'damn it. it's time to get over this petty shit
get over it and get over yourselves.
i don't even know anymore, seriously.
this is some sort of bullshit that's floating around - and sorry, i'm allergic so stay the fuck away from me.
i'm so done - drama is not my cup of tea
and OVERDRAMATIZING is not my idea of a fun time. so fuck off and good night bitches.
i'll just stick to my tweetdeck and twitter texts :D
hoping i could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take
but since i came here, felt the joy and the fear
finding myself making every possible mistake"
seriously, i'm done with high school, but why is drama still around.
i'm so tired of it and so over it.
i'm almost in college, g'damn it. it's time to get over this petty shit
get over it and get over yourselves.
i don't even know anymore, seriously.
this is some sort of bullshit that's floating around - and sorry, i'm allergic so stay the fuck away from me.
i'm so done - drama is not my cup of tea
and OVERDRAMATIZING is not my idea of a fun time. so fuck off and good night bitches.
i'll just stick to my tweetdeck and twitter texts :D
20090810
stop&stare - onerepublic
"stop and stare
i think i'm moving but i go nowhere
i know that everyone gets scared
but i've become what i can't be
stop and stare
you start to wonder why you're here, not there
and you'd give anything to get what's fair
but fair ain't what you really need
can you see what i see?"
today has been...pretty crazy.
i hung out with angelo today (i haven't seen him since he got back from colorado)
hearing his stories made me sad, i don't like to see him suffering.
but i'm really glad he's back - and i think everyone really needs to leave him alone.
i really didn't know what to say to him though, because like he said, i could never really understand, because i've never gone through it
but, i'm glad he confided in me, it feels good to know that our friendship is like that
today i found out that my dad's friend has cancer
for the past week or so he's been feeling ill and throwing up blood.
this makes me so sad.
he's just a nice person
for my graduation, he and his wife have me 400 dollars.
they helped my parents a lot when they first came here from vietnam
and always wants to help us when we're in trouble
it's sad to see someone so nice and thoughtful go through this
i wish him all the best
hwaiting
i think i'm moving but i go nowhere
i know that everyone gets scared
but i've become what i can't be
stop and stare
you start to wonder why you're here, not there
and you'd give anything to get what's fair
but fair ain't what you really need
can you see what i see?"
today has been...pretty crazy.
i hung out with angelo today (i haven't seen him since he got back from colorado)
hearing his stories made me sad, i don't like to see him suffering.
but i'm really glad he's back - and i think everyone really needs to leave him alone.
i really didn't know what to say to him though, because like he said, i could never really understand, because i've never gone through it
but, i'm glad he confided in me, it feels good to know that our friendship is like that
today i found out that my dad's friend has cancer
for the past week or so he's been feeling ill and throwing up blood.
this makes me so sad.
he's just a nice person
for my graduation, he and his wife have me 400 dollars.
they helped my parents a lot when they first came here from vietnam
and always wants to help us when we're in trouble
it's sad to see someone so nice and thoughtful go through this
i wish him all the best
hwaiting
20090808
beautiful fighters - ayumi hamasaki
"we are Beautiful Fighters
To be honest, there are some terrible days
but the girls who live without stopping nor giving up are
Beautiful Fighters
The unhealed wound, sometimes opens
but shuts again in time"
today, after chrissa's pre-birthday dinner at samurai sushi, we had another "mobbin' night"
i love hanging out late night with chrissa and kingston
and even though we didn't get to hang out for a long time this time around, it was still fun
i love talking to them, because i know they'll listen
and won't judge me
they don't try to give bullshit advice, they just let me vent
we went to safeway, but everyone was there :[
so we drove around, and ended up going to winco to get some drinks and food.
we were gonna go to the park near ua, but it was dark, and scary.
so we went to a park on elk grove florin
and sat under a little gazebo type thing and ate our candy, traded stories, and lit morning glories
sometimes it's nice only being with one or two other people.
i also love how kingston and chrissa are always down to hang out
and we look out for each other a lot. i like that.
<3
To be honest, there are some terrible days
but the girls who live without stopping nor giving up are
Beautiful Fighters
The unhealed wound, sometimes opens
but shuts again in time"
today, after chrissa's pre-birthday dinner at samurai sushi, we had another "mobbin' night"
i love hanging out late night with chrissa and kingston
and even though we didn't get to hang out for a long time this time around, it was still fun
i love talking to them, because i know they'll listen
and won't judge me
they don't try to give bullshit advice, they just let me vent
we went to safeway, but everyone was there :[
so we drove around, and ended up going to winco to get some drinks and food.
we were gonna go to the park near ua, but it was dark, and scary.
so we went to a park on elk grove florin
and sat under a little gazebo type thing and ate our candy, traded stories, and lit morning glories
sometimes it's nice only being with one or two other people.
i also love how kingston and chrissa are always down to hang out
and we look out for each other a lot. i like that.
<3
20090806
sunset glow - big bang
"the sun rises, the sun sets
i become saddened by the sunset glow
the moon rises, the moon sets
i become dull too, as time passes by
the sun rises, the sun sets
i become saddened by the sunset glow
the moon rises, the moon sets
memories of you become dull too"
sunsets have always been my favorite time of the day. something about red, orange, and pink puts me at ease.
but at the same time it's a daunting sight. because a sunset means another day lost.
another book of regrets, hours we can't have backs, memories we can't relive.
summer is only a temporary moment in time.
like all other seasons, it quickly disappears.
but the funny thing it, summer sunsets are the best.
i become saddened by the sunset glow
the moon rises, the moon sets
i become dull too, as time passes by
the sun rises, the sun sets
i become saddened by the sunset glow
the moon rises, the moon sets
memories of you become dull too"
sunsets have always been my favorite time of the day. something about red, orange, and pink puts me at ease.
but at the same time it's a daunting sight. because a sunset means another day lost.
another book of regrets, hours we can't have backs, memories we can't relive.
summer is only a temporary moment in time.
like all other seasons, it quickly disappears.
but the funny thing it, summer sunsets are the best.
20090803
i don't care - 2ne1
yes, i am fully aware that somewhere on my blog...the exact same title is out there, but i don't give a fuck. so just shut up and listen.
"hey playboy, it's about time
and your time's up
i had to do this one for my girls
you know, sometimes you gotta act like you don't care
that's the only way the boys learn"
you just have to act like you don't care
put up and front and be like "bitch, please."
easier said then done.
why me, why now, WHY
what the fuck, seriously.
this was supposed to be easy, simple, clean.
but now it's difficult, complicated, and dirty.
"i don't care
i'll stop caring about what you're doing
wherever you are
from now on - i really don't care
i'll get out of the way"
easier said then done, right?
especially when you decide to pop back in out of nowhere.
i seriously don't know how to feel anymore
i'm tired of it
i'm trying so hard not to care, but you're making it difficult
i just want you to make your intentions know - but whatever
"i’m too good to throw away and too boring to have
[...]
you fooled me with your lies hundreds of times
from today on, I’ll be a bad girl who makes guys cry
now without a single tear, I’ll laugh at you"
"hey playboy, it's about time
and your time's up
i had to do this one for my girls
you know, sometimes you gotta act like you don't care
that's the only way the boys learn"
you just have to act like you don't care
put up and front and be like "bitch, please."
easier said then done.
why me, why now, WHY
what the fuck, seriously.
this was supposed to be easy, simple, clean.
but now it's difficult, complicated, and dirty.
"i don't care
i'll stop caring about what you're doing
wherever you are
from now on - i really don't care
i'll get out of the way"
easier said then done, right?
especially when you decide to pop back in out of nowhere.
i seriously don't know how to feel anymore
i'm tired of it
i'm trying so hard not to care, but you're making it difficult
i just want you to make your intentions know - but whatever
"i’m too good to throw away and too boring to have
[...]
you fooled me with your lies hundreds of times
from today on, I’ll be a bad girl who makes guys cry
now without a single tear, I’ll laugh at you"
20090802
the joys of being random.
i really have nothing to say. i've been feeling weird lately, but i can't put my feelings into words. i don't know what it is. there's this knot in my stomach and a pull on my heart and it won't go away. nothing's been happening lately, so i don't know why i'm feeling this way.
what is wrong with me!?
what is wrong with me!?
20090726
20090723
unprepared
i usually start writing on my blog because i have something to say - or something crazy happened. but, i have nothing.
well, i did receive my first letter from angelo. he's super sick :[ and it makes me sad. i miss him loads and loads and i can't wait until he has a vacation. i wrote him a letter back and i need to get stamps tomorrow so that i can send it out. i never realized how much i miss physically writing letters to people. i plan to write a lot to him because that is going to be his only mode of communication for a while and hopefully it will make him happy! :D
so, i want to become some crazy song cover star on youtube. but i can't sing and i can't play an instrument :[. my life is pathetic. or...average, i guess. LOL
well, idk. enjoy this random post, i guess.
i'm gonna go sing into my webcam now :D
well, i did receive my first letter from angelo. he's super sick :[ and it makes me sad. i miss him loads and loads and i can't wait until he has a vacation. i wrote him a letter back and i need to get stamps tomorrow so that i can send it out. i never realized how much i miss physically writing letters to people. i plan to write a lot to him because that is going to be his only mode of communication for a while and hopefully it will make him happy! :D
so, i want to become some crazy song cover star on youtube. but i can't sing and i can't play an instrument :[. my life is pathetic. or...average, i guess. LOL
well, idk. enjoy this random post, i guess.
i'm gonna go sing into my webcam now :D
20090720
things worth reading.
so, if you twitter me, you know that i saw a fight on sunday. yeah, a fight. i didn't even know those things existed outside of high school. anyways, it was between two old, fat ladies. i don't really know what the fight was about, but it's good to know my ears are still keen to the sounds of a fight. because, we were walking the other direction. and i was like "that's louder than normal, i think there's a fight" so me and henry try to run around all sorts of placest o get good angles. one lady was about to take off her earrings, oh shit srs biz. then it ended...and shit.
---
have you ever felt underappreciated? i felt underappreciated this past weekend. on saturday, i stay up until 3 baking cakes with my sister and henry. again, if you twitter me, you've seen the result of one of the cakes we made a while back. we are srs biz. no joke, ace of cake status in a couple of months. so we made a train out of cake. a mother fucking train. with a grill, wheels, and all that good shit that all trains should have.
that shit is not easy. and seeing as how we did this shit for free for friends, you think that people would be like "oh wow, not bad for amatuers". yeah, people didn't say shit. didn't even care, barely got a thank you for staying up all night making this shit.
then it's time to cut the cake and it's three birthdays in one. we made two - one for a friend and one for a friend's kid. the other birthday person was the dad of our friend, so we were like..nvm, we aren't making a cake for you.
so tell me why douchebag RIPS off the fucking fondant and places it on the kid's head. i literally watched my cake be destroyed before my eyes. no questions asked, no consideration for the HOURS of work i put into that shit. motherfucker, i can understand if you wanted to cut the cake, but to RIP apart my cake in less than a nanosecond is fucking stupid. you're like 50 years old, have some common sense. this isn't some round cake with icing on it. this shit took a lot of hard work and time
and motherfucker killed it...so pissed.
---
have you ever felt underappreciated? i felt underappreciated this past weekend. on saturday, i stay up until 3 baking cakes with my sister and henry. again, if you twitter me, you've seen the result of one of the cakes we made a while back. we are srs biz. no joke, ace of cake status in a couple of months. so we made a train out of cake. a mother fucking train. with a grill, wheels, and all that good shit that all trains should have.
that shit is not easy. and seeing as how we did this shit for free for friends, you think that people would be like "oh wow, not bad for amatuers". yeah, people didn't say shit. didn't even care, barely got a thank you for staying up all night making this shit.
then it's time to cut the cake and it's three birthdays in one. we made two - one for a friend and one for a friend's kid. the other birthday person was the dad of our friend, so we were like..nvm, we aren't making a cake for you.
so tell me why douchebag RIPS off the fucking fondant and places it on the kid's head. i literally watched my cake be destroyed before my eyes. no questions asked, no consideration for the HOURS of work i put into that shit. motherfucker, i can understand if you wanted to cut the cake, but to RIP apart my cake in less than a nanosecond is fucking stupid. you're like 50 years old, have some common sense. this isn't some round cake with icing on it. this shit took a lot of hard work and time
and motherfucker killed it...so pissed.
20090718
2:54
it's not surprise to people who know me that i am an insomniac. i swear, this started senior year. because no other year during my high school career was ever as stressful as senior year was. it used to not be so bad. i'd go to bed at 12 or 1230 and then wake my ass up at 7 for school. then it became 1 and then 2. sometimes 3. and on nights when i would have to pull all nighters, it would be 4 then a nap at 5, wake up at 6 and finish my work.
but now i can't sleep until 5 or 6. back then, i used to be tired, but i would force myself to stay awake. but right now, i am so fucking tired, but i can't sleep. the minute i turn off the lights and lay my head down on the pillow, i become wide awake. i don't know why that is. my mom says (who, now believes that i may have some problems) that i probably have stuff on my mind. but really, i don't. it's summer. i'm barely thinking about anything. now, this wouldn't be as bad since it's summer, but i work every other day at 7, which means i have to wake up at 6. and every now and then i get to sleep in. but i'm a light sleeper and can only sleep in when my body is dying of exhaustion. and on top of that, it's hot, and the stickiness wakes up me and frustrates me even more.
oh, and the phone rings a lot. and once something wakes me up, i can never go back to sleep.
i miss talking to my best friend late at night, but now he's busy.
me and angelo told each other we could call each other if we couldn't sleep. but now he's in basic training for the air force and has no ways of communicating besides postage and that only travels so fast.
but now i can't sleep until 5 or 6. back then, i used to be tired, but i would force myself to stay awake. but right now, i am so fucking tired, but i can't sleep. the minute i turn off the lights and lay my head down on the pillow, i become wide awake. i don't know why that is. my mom says (who, now believes that i may have some problems) that i probably have stuff on my mind. but really, i don't. it's summer. i'm barely thinking about anything. now, this wouldn't be as bad since it's summer, but i work every other day at 7, which means i have to wake up at 6. and every now and then i get to sleep in. but i'm a light sleeper and can only sleep in when my body is dying of exhaustion. and on top of that, it's hot, and the stickiness wakes up me and frustrates me even more.
oh, and the phone rings a lot. and once something wakes me up, i can never go back to sleep.
i miss talking to my best friend late at night, but now he's busy.
me and angelo told each other we could call each other if we couldn't sleep. but now he's in basic training for the air force and has no ways of communicating besides postage and that only travels so fast.
someone save me :[
20090716
cheers!
you know how they say "you know your getting old when you're friends are getting married."? well, my friends have been getting married left and right, so what does that say about me? i just finished a wedding last week. and it was amazing to see two people so in love. they've been together for 10 years, and their wedding was amazing. a total fusion of two cultures and it was amazing to watch. i was a friend of both the bride and the groom. the groom was vietnamese and the bride was mien. there was the typical morning ceremony of going to "pick up" the bride. and then there was the church. and the cathedral downtown was so gorgeous. they even rented a limo and a horse drawn carriage.
the night reception was chill, fun, and entertaining. oh, and my friend's dress was so beautiful. she pulled it off amazingly and her veil was stunning. well first, the asked dieu quang to do lion dance for them. which was fun and different. then the bridesmaids and groomsmen walked in and the groomsmen were wearing converse. i thought it was super freaking cute and awesome. and they walked into different music and every single person had different swagger. and the bride, groom, and bestman all gave speeches. the groom almost made me cry :[. it was so cute and so heartfelt.
and of course, we had the crazy, fun table that was getting all sorts of drunk with the 5+ bottles of grey goose underneathe the table (never put us in charge of putting alcohol on the tables xD). the dance floor was crazy fun, they had awesome friends.
so, what does that say about me? am i getting old? or do i just have old friends? i think it's both. i'm going off to college, making new friends, living in a new scene, so i am growing older. and truth be told, this friends and really my sister's friends who just happen to love me too. :D
and speaking of which, my sister is getting married next year too. and i'm actually in the wedding. that just makes things a lot for crazy too. i plan to make a speech, because i can. and i told her that i have the best speaking skills out of all of her bridesmaids. and she knows it's true. i'm glad she's getting married though. i love my future bro in law...who i just call my bro in law at this current moment because it makes life a hell of a lot easier to do so.
the night reception was chill, fun, and entertaining. oh, and my friend's dress was so beautiful. she pulled it off amazingly and her veil was stunning. well first, the asked dieu quang to do lion dance for them. which was fun and different. then the bridesmaids and groomsmen walked in and the groomsmen were wearing converse. i thought it was super freaking cute and awesome. and they walked into different music and every single person had different swagger. and the bride, groom, and bestman all gave speeches. the groom almost made me cry :[. it was so cute and so heartfelt.
and of course, we had the crazy, fun table that was getting all sorts of drunk with the 5+ bottles of grey goose underneathe the table (never put us in charge of putting alcohol on the tables xD). the dance floor was crazy fun, they had awesome friends.
so, what does that say about me? am i getting old? or do i just have old friends? i think it's both. i'm going off to college, making new friends, living in a new scene, so i am growing older. and truth be told, this friends and really my sister's friends who just happen to love me too. :D
and speaking of which, my sister is getting married next year too. and i'm actually in the wedding. that just makes things a lot for crazy too. i plan to make a speech, because i can. and i told her that i have the best speaking skills out of all of her bridesmaids. and she knows it's true. i'm glad she's getting married though. i love my future bro in law...who i just call my bro in law at this current moment because it makes life a hell of a lot easier to do so.
20090714
spoiler alert.
if you plan on watching transformers 2: revenge of the fallen, i suggest you not read this :D.
---------
at first, when watching previews and looking at the name itself, i thought that the "fallen" were decepticons in general, but it happens to be some dude that looks like alien that lived in like, 17,000 bc. speaking of which, the movie opens up with the voice over of optimus prime, who speaks about how humans and autobots ( which, those were the only type of robots back then ) had met once before. making it seem like there was some beautiful mesh of symboitic relationship. however, the robots pop out of the ground and step on about fifty natives. ouch.
after a breif scene that left some in confusion, the title "transformed" onto the screen, reassuring that this movie should only be watched for it's effects.
the movie opens with good ol' sam witwicky and his journey off to college. this transition would've been a lot better if it wasn't for the gay dogs humping each other and the father who was too eager to send his son off because he wanted to bang his wife. since when did transformers get so sexual? to add to things, the first scene we see of megan fox is of her ass in the air painting the side of a motorcycle. why she could be ljust squatting on the side...well, we all know the answer to that.
while telling sam she wants to break up, sam finds a remaining shard of the all spark that burns cryptic messages into his eye and then sets fire to his house - also turning all of his electronics in the kitchen into little decepticons. not to mention one was walking around with a boner and shooting shit out of his penis....awesome?
in a desperate attempt to beat up decepticons the size of his foot, he has to call bumble bee who solves the problem by simply blowing a hole in the house and calling it a day. really sam, you fucking fought megatron...and you need bumble bee to beat up your toaster oven?
then megan fox comes over...blah blah blah...i now see why this movie was over 2 hours. a bunch of meaningless shit. like how they never tell each other they love one another?? like i give a fuck...blow up some robots or some shit like that...
so, this whole time, you think the decepticons are after the last shard of the allspark that is kept oh so safe by the US government...no. cause they steal it. and you're like...well shit, that's the end of the movie....lo and behold they use it to bring megatron back to life (fuck yeah, finally some action ) and you finally get to meet "the fallen." some dude connects to a bunch of wires like the fucking ottoman empire. and all he wants to do is kill a prime...which...the last one living is optimus...but not for long...
long story short, optimus get his ass whooping by megatron and dies....and after he dies it's like well shit let's just fuck over all the autobots and send then to some weird location that no one really knows about. and then sam's like, no you have to go to egpyt cause some giant machine is going to destory our sun and then we'll die because the fallen didn't care about humans...well, he's a decepticon for a reason....
and it takes about 50 minutes for sam to travel like 2 miles for some godforsaken reason. oh, btw, he turns the one thing that can bring optimus back to life into dust. good fucking job, sam. and somehow his parents end up in europe...kidnapped by some decepticon.
and so in some desperate attempt to run the final .0005 mile to where optimus' dead body is lying, sam dies. by this point in time...you're like WTF. actually...i was like..."does this mean there won't be a transformers 3?"
but then, the original primes, like some fucking angels sent from god tell sam he's amazing and bring him back to life...really...i didn't know alien robots had that power, but whatever. and so sam...as overdramatized as he is, runs over to optimus and stabs this thing into him that brings him back to life. optimus then steals parts from a dying decepticon gone good like fifty years ago and kicks ass in about five seconds....needless to say, the fallen gets an as whooping real good. and then like a bunch of pussies....megatron and starscream fly away....
and there it is....the opening for transfomers 3...the return of...shit.
so SERIOUSLY, don't over analyze this movie. ahaha, i stole a lot of this from other people's reviews. and even though i agree that there were too many side stories going on, the plot sucked as, and the script could've used some SERIOUS revisions....
the moral of the story is..
YOU WATCH TRANSFORMERS TO SEE SHIT BLOW UP
(and a lot of that happens, so enjoy)
---------
at first, when watching previews and looking at the name itself, i thought that the "fallen" were decepticons in general, but it happens to be some dude that looks like alien that lived in like, 17,000 bc. speaking of which, the movie opens up with the voice over of optimus prime, who speaks about how humans and autobots ( which, those were the only type of robots back then ) had met once before. making it seem like there was some beautiful mesh of symboitic relationship. however, the robots pop out of the ground and step on about fifty natives. ouch.
after a breif scene that left some in confusion, the title "transformed" onto the screen, reassuring that this movie should only be watched for it's effects.
the movie opens with good ol' sam witwicky and his journey off to college. this transition would've been a lot better if it wasn't for the gay dogs humping each other and the father who was too eager to send his son off because he wanted to bang his wife. since when did transformers get so sexual? to add to things, the first scene we see of megan fox is of her ass in the air painting the side of a motorcycle. why she could be ljust squatting on the side...well, we all know the answer to that.
while telling sam she wants to break up, sam finds a remaining shard of the all spark that burns cryptic messages into his eye and then sets fire to his house - also turning all of his electronics in the kitchen into little decepticons. not to mention one was walking around with a boner and shooting shit out of his penis....awesome?
in a desperate attempt to beat up decepticons the size of his foot, he has to call bumble bee who solves the problem by simply blowing a hole in the house and calling it a day. really sam, you fucking fought megatron...and you need bumble bee to beat up your toaster oven?
then megan fox comes over...blah blah blah...i now see why this movie was over 2 hours. a bunch of meaningless shit. like how they never tell each other they love one another?? like i give a fuck...blow up some robots or some shit like that...
so, this whole time, you think the decepticons are after the last shard of the allspark that is kept oh so safe by the US government...no. cause they steal it. and you're like...well shit, that's the end of the movie....lo and behold they use it to bring megatron back to life (fuck yeah, finally some action ) and you finally get to meet "the fallen." some dude connects to a bunch of wires like the fucking ottoman empire. and all he wants to do is kill a prime...which...the last one living is optimus...but not for long...
long story short, optimus get his ass whooping by megatron and dies....and after he dies it's like well shit let's just fuck over all the autobots and send then to some weird location that no one really knows about. and then sam's like, no you have to go to egpyt cause some giant machine is going to destory our sun and then we'll die because the fallen didn't care about humans...well, he's a decepticon for a reason....
and it takes about 50 minutes for sam to travel like 2 miles for some godforsaken reason. oh, btw, he turns the one thing that can bring optimus back to life into dust. good fucking job, sam. and somehow his parents end up in europe...kidnapped by some decepticon.
and so in some desperate attempt to run the final .0005 mile to where optimus' dead body is lying, sam dies. by this point in time...you're like WTF. actually...i was like..."does this mean there won't be a transformers 3?"
but then, the original primes, like some fucking angels sent from god tell sam he's amazing and bring him back to life...really...i didn't know alien robots had that power, but whatever. and so sam...as overdramatized as he is, runs over to optimus and stabs this thing into him that brings him back to life. optimus then steals parts from a dying decepticon gone good like fifty years ago and kicks ass in about five seconds....needless to say, the fallen gets an as whooping real good. and then like a bunch of pussies....megatron and starscream fly away....
and there it is....the opening for transfomers 3...the return of...shit.
so SERIOUSLY, don't over analyze this movie. ahaha, i stole a lot of this from other people's reviews. and even though i agree that there were too many side stories going on, the plot sucked as, and the script could've used some SERIOUS revisions....
the moral of the story is..
YOU WATCH TRANSFORMERS TO SEE SHIT BLOW UP
(and a lot of that happens, so enjoy)
20090710
orientation
so i've spent the last three days (still here - btw) in davis for orientation. i must admit, it feels like a lot more than three days. the morning/afternoon "activities" were far from interesting. basically, being lectured about classes, requirements, and rules we have to follow was....blah. but the night activities they had planned out were fun. wednesday night we had "rec 101". we went to the arc, this huge gym place to check out things they had to offer. i took this crazy intense sample stretching/ab workout/yoga class with michelle. the raquetball court was freaking amazing and fun to run around it. i plan to take a dance class there and also take advantage of the tennis courts!
thrusday was probably worse. having stayed up until 5 the night before, and jerri calling me at 630 for breakfast...i slept in until 1030 because i didn't have to take any placement testing. i had one meeting before lunch. and seriously, we spent the rest of the day in the science lecture hall listening to a shitload of info that no normal person should be able to retain at one time. and then dinner rolled around and i realized DC food makes me sick and that i cannot eat it every day. shiiiiit, yo. then, we had a super long advising session with our leaders for some reason. i missed out on a good hour of c.u. after dark. but i got to play poker, at least. even though everyone was beginners, no money was involved, and i was playing all kids of stupid. after that, me and michelle didn't want to stay in laben because seriously, people on that floor were kind of boring and went to bed at early hours.
so we stopped by kearny to have a pizza party and just interacted with cool people. what started out as ten fingers turned into pickup lines, racial jokes, and dane cooke. we called it quits at 2 and went back to laben. oh, and did i even mention that i never got a roommate? so, michelle spent the night at my dorm since her roommates were dead asleep and we still had to choose classes!! AHHH. that was pretty much the most stressful thing i have ever done. so many numbers and planning to do. so, i'm waiting to pick classes right now
i was finally able to connect to some wireless since davis is lame and doesn't allow wireless in the dorm rooms. blaaah.
love ya<3
thrusday was probably worse. having stayed up until 5 the night before, and jerri calling me at 630 for breakfast...i slept in until 1030 because i didn't have to take any placement testing. i had one meeting before lunch. and seriously, we spent the rest of the day in the science lecture hall listening to a shitload of info that no normal person should be able to retain at one time. and then dinner rolled around and i realized DC food makes me sick and that i cannot eat it every day. shiiiiit, yo. then, we had a super long advising session with our leaders for some reason. i missed out on a good hour of c.u. after dark. but i got to play poker, at least. even though everyone was beginners, no money was involved, and i was playing all kids of stupid. after that, me and michelle didn't want to stay in laben because seriously, people on that floor were kind of boring and went to bed at early hours.
so we stopped by kearny to have a pizza party and just interacted with cool people. what started out as ten fingers turned into pickup lines, racial jokes, and dane cooke. we called it quits at 2 and went back to laben. oh, and did i even mention that i never got a roommate? so, michelle spent the night at my dorm since her roommates were dead asleep and we still had to choose classes!! AHHH. that was pretty much the most stressful thing i have ever done. so many numbers and planning to do. so, i'm waiting to pick classes right now
i was finally able to connect to some wireless since davis is lame and doesn't allow wireless in the dorm rooms. blaaah.
love ya<3
20090702
savage beast.
so, i was roaming around myadmissions at davis because i had to check up on some stuff. and i accidently clicked on my AP scores - and i was like oh, maybe i should see if my scores were sent. so i'm scrolling down and i see my usual 3s and then. BAM, there it was.
the first score that caught my eye was a 4. thinking that it was my psych test i looked over and saw that it was government. i was so surprised because i seriously though that test owned me and that i would only get a three. but shit, i was sooo fucking happy i got a 4. i actually tried to study for that test, so i'm glad with my outcome.
the next score was a 5. a motherfucking 5. i've never ever gotten a 5 before. shit, i've never gotten a 4 before. but shit i got a 5 for ap psych. that was the one test that i was so confident about before going into it. i wanted to get a 5 so badly. then, after i took the test the multiple choice was really hard and i was then only aiming for a 4. and then people discouraged me, so i aimed for a 3. so shit, i'm gonna go at pat myself on the back.
and i don't even give a fuck that i failed lit. that test can suck it!
the first score that caught my eye was a 4. thinking that it was my psych test i looked over and saw that it was government. i was so surprised because i seriously though that test owned me and that i would only get a three. but shit, i was sooo fucking happy i got a 4. i actually tried to study for that test, so i'm glad with my outcome.
the next score was a 5. a motherfucking 5. i've never ever gotten a 5 before. shit, i've never gotten a 4 before. but shit i got a 5 for ap psych. that was the one test that i was so confident about before going into it. i wanted to get a 5 so badly. then, after i took the test the multiple choice was really hard and i was then only aiming for a 4. and then people discouraged me, so i aimed for a 3. so shit, i'm gonna go at pat myself on the back.
and i don't even give a fuck that i failed lit. that test can suck it!
20090630
i don't care
"You fooled me with your lies hundreds of times
From today on, I'll be a bad girl who makes guys cry
Now without a single tear, I'll laugh at you
Loser who's inside a game called love
Get on your knees and take me back
If not, get out of my sight right now"
2ne1 - i don't care
From today on, I'll be a bad girl who makes guys cry
Now without a single tear, I'll laugh at you
Loser who's inside a game called love
Get on your knees and take me back
If not, get out of my sight right now"
2ne1 - i don't care
20090628
as chrissa says...IDGAF
so someone please tell me why my summer has been really lame.
my relationships haven't been working out the way i want them to...in the end IDGAF
i'm antisocial and hate this heat....IDGAF
everyone's freaking out cause friendships aren't lasting...IDGAF
i'm tired of everyone's shit, so fuck 'em, right??
seriously.
IDGAF
boy, friends, all that shit can suck it
i'm done living life.
i just wanna get by
my relationships haven't been working out the way i want them to...in the end IDGAF
i'm antisocial and hate this heat....IDGAF
everyone's freaking out cause friendships aren't lasting...IDGAF
i'm tired of everyone's shit, so fuck 'em, right??
seriously.
IDGAF
boy, friends, all that shit can suck it
i'm done living life.
i just wanna get by
20090627
this is the one
so my lovely cousin sent me hikki's new english album
i enjoy it a lot more than her old one.
the beats are nicer, the lyrics are a little less weird, and it's more hikki than before.
and i was so excited that there was an "automatic part II", but i was disappointed.
not that great.
ah, so i went out yesterday
i tend to only go out once a week - me being antisocial and all
so yesterday was the day
adrienne picked me up and we went to get chrissa and ck
and we went to go watch the boxing thing.
it was not cracking
and this one bitch tried to challenge me?
if i wasn't so scared that she would kill me by sitting on me, i would've fought her.
i know they were all trying to call me out
and by sly about it
i don't even know why they don't like me
they don't even know me
and i didn't do shit to them
too bad they always try to be nice to my face
fake ass bitches
i enjoy it a lot more than her old one.
the beats are nicer, the lyrics are a little less weird, and it's more hikki than before.
and i was so excited that there was an "automatic part II", but i was disappointed.
not that great.
ah, so i went out yesterday
i tend to only go out once a week - me being antisocial and all
so yesterday was the day
adrienne picked me up and we went to get chrissa and ck
and we went to go watch the boxing thing.
it was not cracking
and this one bitch tried to challenge me?
if i wasn't so scared that she would kill me by sitting on me, i would've fought her.
i know they were all trying to call me out
and by sly about it
i don't even know why they don't like me
they don't even know me
and i didn't do shit to them
too bad they always try to be nice to my face
fake ass bitches
20090624
good times
i need to have at least one good time this summer.
sure, having the occasional kickback here and there is fun
but it's not as great as it can be
i need to surround myself with some new faces (good people, of course)
and just get to know a stranger
because i'm done with this small world that is sacramento
everyone knows everyone
i need to get out of here
and find someone worth talking to
sure, having the occasional kickback here and there is fun
but it's not as great as it can be
i need to surround myself with some new faces (good people, of course)
and just get to know a stranger
because i'm done with this small world that is sacramento
everyone knows everyone
i need to get out of here
and find someone worth talking to
20090622
20090621
20090615
"when life gives you shit...."
"...you make shitonade."
oh dear god, how have i been feeling lately.i been feeling so much like a hot mess i can't even put it into words.
first off, my summer has been pretty lame. i haven't done anything besides work and sleep. i'm serious, that's all i've done for the past two weeks. so, i guess it's my fault for being some type of social hermit and not willing to hang out with anyone or talk to anyone. but no one wants to hang with me or talk to me. so why should i bother?
you know what's funny? every time i have some intense, long update...it always ends up being about a
guy.
so, why should this time be any different. needless to say folks, i'm exhausted. i'm tired of guys. tired of their shit. seriously, why do i always end up being in the exact same situation? i sure do know how to pick them. i pick the ones that are too pansy to do shit. expect me to do all the work. and in the end, they get bored or "make big life decisions" that somehow can't involve me.
am i asking for too much? is it too much to ask for some who fucking cares for once. who can understand me and take me for all my faults. understand what i've been through and just be like "fuck it" you are who you are and i love it. but no. maybe i carry too much baggage for someone to love. maybe i just have too much shit going on. maybe i'm just too anti-fucking-social to have a decent relationship with a guy.
or maybe, i just need to find a man who has some fucking 'nads. how hard is it to grow a pair. shouldn't you already have one to begin with?? like seriously, call me a whiny bitch, but i don't give a fuck. i'm so TIRED of it. wtf. maybe it's just the guys i happen to meet. maybe i should stop hanging out with 18 and 19 year old BOYS that don't know a fuck about ANYTHING. seriously, leading people on is not fun. especially when you get the short end of the stick. and now, i just anticipate getting fucked over. i don't even look for the happiness anymore.
my heart is so scarred. so wounded. but everyone expects me to heal so quickly. "just get over it" "forget him." it's so easy to say from the outside looking in. but they have no idea the turmoil i fucking go through. i toss and turn every night cause something is ALWAYS on my mind. thinking about something, anything. from the things i did, to the things i should've done. what i said, or what i should say. why should i put so much effort into it when it's just WHATEVER to you.
that's my deal, okay. thing's are just WHATEVER to me. but not you. so why do i give a fuck when i'm NOTHING to you. if i told you tomorrow that i've been falling for you. would you ever give a fuck. do you even feel the same fucking way? or will you just laugh and reject me. FUCK IT. why do i even care.
oh dear god, how have i been feeling lately.i been feeling so much like a hot mess i can't even put it into words.
first off, my summer has been pretty lame. i haven't done anything besides work and sleep. i'm serious, that's all i've done for the past two weeks. so, i guess it's my fault for being some type of social hermit and not willing to hang out with anyone or talk to anyone. but no one wants to hang with me or talk to me. so why should i bother?
you know what's funny? every time i have some intense, long update...it always ends up being about a
guy.so, why should this time be any different. needless to say folks, i'm exhausted. i'm tired of guys. tired of their shit. seriously, why do i always end up being in the exact same situation? i sure do know how to pick them. i pick the ones that are too pansy to do shit. expect me to do all the work. and in the end, they get bored or "make big life decisions" that somehow can't involve me.
am i asking for too much? is it too much to ask for some who fucking cares for once. who can understand me and take me for all my faults. understand what i've been through and just be like "fuck it" you are who you are and i love it. but no. maybe i carry too much baggage for someone to love. maybe i just have too much shit going on. maybe i'm just too anti-fucking-social to have a decent relationship with a guy.
or maybe, i just need to find a man who has some fucking 'nads. how hard is it to grow a pair. shouldn't you already have one to begin with?? like seriously, call me a whiny bitch, but i don't give a fuck. i'm so TIRED of it. wtf. maybe it's just the guys i happen to meet. maybe i should stop hanging out with 18 and 19 year old BOYS that don't know a fuck about ANYTHING. seriously, leading people on is not fun. especially when you get the short end of the stick. and now, i just anticipate getting fucked over. i don't even look for the happiness anymore.
my heart is so scarred. so wounded. but everyone expects me to heal so quickly. "just get over it" "forget him." it's so easy to say from the outside looking in. but they have no idea the turmoil i fucking go through. i toss and turn every night cause something is ALWAYS on my mind. thinking about something, anything. from the things i did, to the things i should've done. what i said, or what i should say. why should i put so much effort into it when it's just WHATEVER to you.
that's my deal, okay. thing's are just WHATEVER to me. but not you. so why do i give a fuck when i'm NOTHING to you. if i told you tomorrow that i've been falling for you. would you ever give a fuck. do you even feel the same fucking way? or will you just laugh and reject me. FUCK IT. why do i even care.
it's FUCKING SUMMER.
time to make some shitonade.
time to make some shitonade.
20090613
20090612
fuck your shit
really though, i'm tired of this shit
everyone trying to rope me into drama that has nothing to do with me.
I.DON'T.GIVE.A.FUCK.
i could care less what other people do
i could care less what might or might not go down
fuck your shit
i'm tired of it
everyone trying to rope me into drama that has nothing to do with me.
I.DON'T.GIVE.A.FUCK.
i could care less what other people do
i could care less what might or might not go down
fuck your shit
i'm tired of it
20090610
20090609
my escape
it's summer, we all know what that means....
it's time for me to catch up on my fanfics and my dramas
oh yes, senior year was so crazy i barely had time to read
i caught up on like 5 fanfics yesterday
dramas are next, but ill save those for a night where i don't have to work the next day.
and then it's back to me writing again
updating you with my life
writing in my old journal, keeping tabs on myself.
i love summer
and i'm still waiting for my perfect summer night <3
it's time for me to catch up on my fanfics and my dramas
oh yes, senior year was so crazy i barely had time to read
i caught up on like 5 fanfics yesterday
dramas are next, but ill save those for a night where i don't have to work the next day.
and then it's back to me writing again
updating you with my life
writing in my old journal, keeping tabs on myself.
i love summer
and i'm still waiting for my perfect summer night <3
20090603
20090518
real talk
i've come to realize that:
my friends keep me so sane, i would die without them
i am a horrible person
i am also a horrible daughter
you learn a lot of things about people when you're driving around at 6 in the morning, buzzed, and vision blurred from crying.
time does not heal anything
i don't know anything anymore
my friends keep me so sane, i would die without them
i am a horrible person
i am also a horrible daughter
you learn a lot of things about people when you're driving around at 6 in the morning, buzzed, and vision blurred from crying.
time does not heal anything
i don't know anything anymore
20090430
20090428
the scare...
of the swine flu pandemic...
tine: he told me that if someone coughs in san diego to run away
tine: so i won't get swine flu
hahaha, i love my dad.
LOL
hahaha, i love my dad.
LOL
20090421
risk
no, my silly fellow bloggers. not like the game. although, i would love to play it sometimes.
lala, if you know me extremely well, you probably know that i'm not much of a risk taker. i like to do things that i know the outcome to. however, i'm feeling risky lately. i just feel like, i need a change. i need some adventure. well, here it is. let's hope it all works out :D
well, i told you about two weeks ago i would update about my spring break, so hear i am!
i didn't take that many pictures this time around, so you'll just have to read it instead of look at it.
it started on saturday when i went to my friend's house to play a rousing game of hold 'em. seriously, i haven't played in like 2 years. but, ya know, i still know what i'm doing and i watch the wsop from time to time. well, my uiltimate goal was to hustle everyone at the table because i didn't know any of them. it turned out pretty well, i won 40 bucks by the end of the night :]
let's see, i didn't really do anything big with friends this year like our AR trip last year or anything. we can save that for another day :D
but that friday i did go to davis to see the ever so lovely wong fu. i do think i told you this. well, it was amazing. those boys are a lot cuter in person i tell ya. after the show and the long meet and greet i went to visit a friend at his dorm. let's just say, i know i'm a messy person, but daaaaamn. if i ever have a roommate, i sure hope they aren't as messy as he is. but it was fun to see "college life" ie. bongs and beer pong. woot woot.
and then saturday. or dear lord that saturday. i stayed up until 7 making intense cakes for a birthday party. i was totally wiped out the next two days.
and then spring break ended. and i had to go back into the swing of things. school, work, luau practice and other random things here and there.
but i had an exciting weeked this past week :D
i went on a boat. i know, you're like wtf?! i've never been on a boat kids. i was so scared that i was going to get sick off my ass and throw up everywhere. but actually, i was fine :]. i got unnecessarily attacked by water though. and it sucked because i was the one person that didn't want to have anything to do with the water! life sucks.
ah yes, i have fun adventures :D
lala, if you know me extremely well, you probably know that i'm not much of a risk taker. i like to do things that i know the outcome to. however, i'm feeling risky lately. i just feel like, i need a change. i need some adventure. well, here it is. let's hope it all works out :D
well, i told you about two weeks ago i would update about my spring break, so hear i am!
i didn't take that many pictures this time around, so you'll just have to read it instead of look at it.
it started on saturday when i went to my friend's house to play a rousing game of hold 'em. seriously, i haven't played in like 2 years. but, ya know, i still know what i'm doing and i watch the wsop from time to time. well, my uiltimate goal was to hustle everyone at the table because i didn't know any of them. it turned out pretty well, i won 40 bucks by the end of the night :]
let's see, i didn't really do anything big with friends this year like our AR trip last year or anything. we can save that for another day :D
but that friday i did go to davis to see the ever so lovely wong fu. i do think i told you this. well, it was amazing. those boys are a lot cuter in person i tell ya. after the show and the long meet and greet i went to visit a friend at his dorm. let's just say, i know i'm a messy person, but daaaaamn. if i ever have a roommate, i sure hope they aren't as messy as he is. but it was fun to see "college life" ie. bongs and beer pong. woot woot.
and then saturday. or dear lord that saturday. i stayed up until 7 making intense cakes for a birthday party. i was totally wiped out the next two days.
and then spring break ended. and i had to go back into the swing of things. school, work, luau practice and other random things here and there.
but i had an exciting weeked this past week :D
i went on a boat. i know, you're like wtf?! i've never been on a boat kids. i was so scared that i was going to get sick off my ass and throw up everywhere. but actually, i was fine :]. i got unnecessarily attacked by water though. and it sucked because i was the one person that didn't want to have anything to do with the water! life sucks.
ah yes, i have fun adventures :D
20090409
i am a happy camper
this is been an awesome spring break <3
wong fu tomorrow!
i will update soon, i promise.
much lovelovelove
wong fu tomorrow!
i will update soon, i promise.
much lovelovelove
20090309
boy you're one in a million
so, i've been a huge hikki fan for sometime now. i think first love was the first jpop song i ever listened to. i definitely heard her on the radio today. her new song "come back to me" is damn good. i mean, her exodus was pretty good too. but sometimes, hikki + english = weird songs.
there's the mv for come back to me. she looks stunning in this video. that haircut is love. she looks like she belongs back in the final distance days.
but yeah, i usually listen to jpop/kpop/cpop, etc, etc more than american music. but thanks to america's best dance crew and the hot billboard 100 has kept me up to date with the real world. fave song right now definitely is a toss up between boom boom pow by BEP or numba 1 (the tide is high) by kardinal offishall, maybe because that song reminds me of the lizzie mcquire movie. oh yeeeeah.
speaking of movies. there's a new fast and furious coming out. oh yeah, cause the next thing we need is more white boys racing rice rockets. i hope another fm song is in.
so did i say how much i desperately want to go to isa? well, i do. but tickets are almost sold out and basically no one else wants to go or know what it is. i was to see fm again and meet wf and passion. rawrr. i wish i lived in the bay <3.>
speaking of the bay? actually, this has nothing to do with the bay. i downloaded se7en's american song "girlz". i actually like it. beat's pretty hot. and i found that song via youtube and then i found it via limewire.
i love youtube.
RANDOM YOUTUBE TIME.
coolest crew dancing to my current fave fm song. girls on the dance floor is my anthem, next to 3d.
nigahiga is a knee slapper. i sure many have seen this. it's quite hilarious.
i freaking love epik high. there's a kid at my school that looks like tablo. no lie. anyways, when tablo raps, it's total love. and he does it in english. oh shit. "i ba-rock this show o-ba-ma'self."
enjoy.
random blog much?
there's the mv for come back to me. she looks stunning in this video. that haircut is love. she looks like she belongs back in the final distance days.
but yeah, i usually listen to jpop/kpop/cpop, etc, etc more than american music. but thanks to america's best dance crew and the hot billboard 100 has kept me up to date with the real world. fave song right now definitely is a toss up between boom boom pow by BEP or numba 1 (the tide is high) by kardinal offishall, maybe because that song reminds me of the lizzie mcquire movie. oh yeeeeah.
speaking of movies. there's a new fast and furious coming out. oh yeah, cause the next thing we need is more white boys racing rice rockets. i hope another fm song is in.
so did i say how much i desperately want to go to isa? well, i do. but tickets are almost sold out and basically no one else wants to go or know what it is. i was to see fm again and meet wf and passion. rawrr. i wish i lived in the bay <3.>
speaking of the bay? actually, this has nothing to do with the bay. i downloaded se7en's american song "girlz". i actually like it. beat's pretty hot. and i found that song via youtube and then i found it via limewire.
i love youtube.
RANDOM YOUTUBE TIME.
coolest crew dancing to my current fave fm song. girls on the dance floor is my anthem, next to 3d.
nigahiga is a knee slapper. i sure many have seen this. it's quite hilarious.
i freaking love epik high. there's a kid at my school that looks like tablo. no lie. anyways, when tablo raps, it's total love. and he does it in english. oh shit. "i ba-rock this show o-ba-ma'self."
enjoy.
random blog much?
20090301
wtff
i haven't been this pissed off in a long long while. saturday was a shitload of fun, too bad i woke up with a screaming hangover. and i woke up having to answer my phone and listen to some motherfucker talk to me. sit there, call me heartless, call me useless, call me worthless, called me lonely, and all this other bullshit. wtf kid? i was done with your bullshit long ago. sitting here, telling me that i can't let go? well who the fuck has been calling me for the past year. motherfucker, get your shit straight. hell fucking no am i gonna cry over you. you're not worth anything. fuck, go ahead and call me whatever you want. at least i'm not fucking drunk at 1 in the afternoon. at least i'm not dwelling over the fucking past. let that shit go. why the fuck do you have to keep calling me. saying that i'm still sprung over you? homeboy, you got that shit twisted cause it's obvious you're still sprung over me. i hope you fucking stay 3000 miles away from me. thinking about moving here? hah, think again. wtf are you trying to accomplish by moving here. kid, i was done with your bs long ago, so leave me the fuck alone, playa.
20090214
sometimes
sometimes it's better to live without expectations
that way, we can never get hurt
sometimes it's better to let our friends fall
instead of helping them when they stagger
sometimes it's better to live moment by moment
because day by day is just way too fast
sometimes it's better to be alone
because being with people makes you lose yourself
sometimes i wonder why i'm so crazy
i still haven't found the answer.
that way, we can never get hurt
sometimes it's better to let our friends fall
instead of helping them when they stagger
sometimes it's better to live moment by moment
because day by day is just way too fast
sometimes it's better to be alone
because being with people makes you lose yourself
sometimes i wonder why i'm so crazy
i still haven't found the answer.
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