spoiler alert.

if you plan on watching transformers 2: revenge of the fallen, i suggest you not read this :D.

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at first, when watching previews and looking at the name itself, i thought that the "fallen" were decepticons in general, but it happens to be some dude that looks like alien that lived in like, 17,000 bc. speaking of which, the movie opens up with the voice over of optimus prime, who speaks about how humans and autobots ( which, those were the only type of robots back then ) had met once before. making it seem like there was some beautiful mesh of symboitic relationship. however, the robots pop out of the ground and step on about fifty natives. ouch.

after a breif scene that left some in confusion, the title "transformed" onto the screen, reassuring that this movie should only be watched for it's effects.

the movie opens with good ol' sam witwicky and his journey off to college. this transition would've been a lot better if it wasn't for the gay dogs humping each other and the father who was too eager to send his son off because he wanted to bang his wife. since when did transformers get so sexual? to add to things, the first scene we see of megan fox is of her ass in the air painting the side of a motorcycle. why she could be ljust squatting on the side...well, we all know the answer to that.

while telling sam she wants to break up, sam finds a remaining shard of the all spark that burns cryptic messages into his eye and then sets fire to his house - also turning all of his electronics in the kitchen into little decepticons. not to mention one was walking around with a boner and shooting shit out of his penis....awesome?

in a desperate attempt to beat up decepticons the size of his foot, he has to call bumble bee who solves the problem by simply blowing a hole in the house and calling it a day. really sam, you fucking fought megatron...and you need bumble bee to beat up your toaster oven?

then megan fox comes over...blah blah blah...i now see why this movie was over 2 hours. a bunch of meaningless shit. like how they never tell each other they love one another?? like i give a fuck...blow up some robots or some shit like that...

so, this whole time, you think the decepticons are after the last shard of the allspark that is kept oh so safe by the US government...no. cause they steal it. and you're like...well shit, that's the end of the movie....lo and behold they use it to bring megatron back to life (fuck yeah, finally some action ) and you finally get to meet "the fallen." some dude connects to a bunch of wires like the fucking ottoman empire. and all he wants to do is kill a prime...which...the last one living is optimus...but not for long...

long story short, optimus get his ass whooping by megatron and dies....and after he dies it's like well shit let's just fuck over all the autobots and send then to some weird location that no one really knows about. and then sam's like, no you have to go to egpyt cause some giant machine is going to destory our sun and then we'll die because the fallen didn't care about humans...well, he's a decepticon for a reason....

and it takes about 50 minutes for sam to travel like 2 miles for some godforsaken reason. oh, btw, he turns the one thing that can bring optimus back to life into dust. good fucking job, sam. and somehow his parents end up in europe...kidnapped by some decepticon.

and so in some desperate attempt to run the final .0005 mile to where optimus' dead body is lying, sam dies. by this point in time...you're like WTF. actually...i was like..."does this mean there won't be a transformers 3?"

but then, the original primes, like some fucking angels sent from god tell sam he's amazing and bring him back to life...really...i didn't know alien robots had that power, but whatever. and so sam...as overdramatized as he is, runs over to optimus and stabs this thing into him that brings him back to life. optimus then steals parts from a dying decepticon gone good like fifty years ago and kicks ass in about five seconds....needless to say, the fallen gets an as whooping real good. and then like a bunch of pussies....megatron and starscream fly away....

and there it is....the opening for transfomers 3...the return of...shit.

so SERIOUSLY, don't over analyze this movie. ahaha, i stole a lot of this from other people's reviews. and even though i agree that there were too many side stories going on, the plot sucked as, and the script could've used some SERIOUS revisions....


the moral of the story is..


YOU WATCH TRANSFORMERS TO SEE SHIT BLOW UP
(and a lot of that happens, so enjoy)