grey hairs and broken sprinklers

i found a grey hair when i was straightening my hair today. [wow, that sounded redundant]. anyways, you know how people always freak out when they get grey hairs? well, i wasn't really sure where the grey hair came from. well first off, the grey was smack dab in the middle. so it was black hair, grey hair, and black hair again. i didn't even know that was possible. so, i haven't been stressing lately, when i don't think i have been. and i'm not that old. so i have no idea where it came from. i was confused up until the point where i pulled it out. that was the first offset thing to my day.

next, today was just a random day to hang out with friends and do stupid shit with each other. we all swam and then went and played night tag at the nearby park. and while i was hiding in the bushes with my male friend, i stepped on something near the tree. i hear this "crack" like noise and the ground rumbles. so being my scared self i jump off the dirt i'm on and see this "thing" rush out of the ground. being one who watches too many scary movies i thought sadako [ringu girl] was going to pop out and kill me. so i scream and everyone hears me. and this flood of water, which was the "thing", wil not stop flowing out of the ground. so i'm certained i broke something and we hang around and make sure everyone is accounted for. when we walk back to that area, the water is still going! so i'm certain i'm in a lot of trouble for that.

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i like to go on tangents. sorry. ah, there's been a certain male that's been on my mind on and off since...ohh let's say late october? aiish, i don't even know why i'm bringing this up. but sometimes, thinking about him makes me...um...sad? yeah, sad's the right word. i don't know. i guess when i think about our friendship, i just think about a lot of other things. he makes me think too much. i hate him for that. but...i enjoy his presence at the same time. he makes me smile when i talk to him. but then nothing happens, and i get upset. can you even believe i cried because of him. once, only once. but i've teared up many times because of him. not because of the things he does. but i just...think about things. i use the work think a lot, don't i? i repeat myself too much. ah, i wrote a poem about him once. i guess i'll share. it's still in edit mode, even though i wrote it months ago. excuse a lot of little girl cliches and what not. okay, here goes. i wrote this in april, by the way.

you make me feel 500 million emotions all at once
but despite that, i can't bring myself to love you or hate you
no, i don't hate you
not only because hate's "too strong of a word"
but something inside me is telling me: "wait, you don't know him well enough to fully judge his actions"
on top of that my feelings aren't developed enough for "love"
you see, my love is rare
and no one has ever held on to my heart
and trust me, with the way things are going
you won't be the first
my heart's already chipping away and you've barely poked it
i don't want to think of what you'd do
gripping it with your careless hands
nothing thinking twice about how your actions affect me
not thinking about me at all
but i think about you almost everyday
you smile, your [insert adj. here] hair, witty humor, and great style
anything and everything leads my mind back to you
i don't understand the ways of my heart
it beats so fast that i feel it's about to burst out of my chest
or just explode right there inside me
but no, i don't love you
i don't under how my mind tells me day in and day out to get over you, forget you, and move on
but no, i can't hate you
my mind and my heart are constantly battling
and i'm the one to straighten everything out
everyone says "all is fair in love and war"
but is it truly fair that i'm in thise alone
and no one understand the pain i withstand
is it truly fair that i smile through this pain
and you don't even notice
love and hate go together like honey and bees
peanut butter and jelly
because you can't have one without the other
and i know i should hate you
tear away the memories that i've created with you
but does that mean i have to love you too

mind you i wrote this in a fragile state. ahhh it all sounds so cheesy right now. and NO i do not love this male at all. i'm highly infatuated with him. ah, i don't know why i wrote all that out. it just brought back all these emotions and too much is on my mind again